nny: (DAMMIT YES)
Briefly:

I am still teaching, although that may soon change. It is a job that takes every single part of my life and offers very little that is positive in return. That may be my particular school, but I've been there for nearly three years now and I don't honestly have much left to give. The stress and sleeplessness is making me sick, and I'm very tired of having mandatory attendance meetings with a man who earns twice my wage and works 10-15 fewer hours a week. I also disagree with the whole new exam spec.

I am still in my little Nottingham flat, and I love how long it's been since I've moved. I'd like a garden at some point, but considering how very scraping by I have been, that's not likely any time soon. My living situation, however, is mostly good.

I've been writing practically daily for a few months now, and it's of varying quality but it feels kinda good. Niche pairings reduce the pressure. XD

I've been reading mostly K.J. Charles and Jordan L. Hawk, because it turns out that I have a favourite niche genre and it's historical gay supernatural romance. I have however just bought Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari and The Essex Serpent by Sarah Perry, both of which I intend to read over half term. I do really need to make a mandatory tally though, in which I am not allowed to buy a new book until I've read the ridiculous number in my flat that I haven't read yet...

In terms of watching... I have this anxiety thing where watching new things is hard. I look at Netflix, at all the beautiful things that I have no doubts whatsoever that I will love, and instead I go back to the familiar and safe. I did watch Shadowhunters, influenced by the endless Alec/Magnus gifs on Tumblr, but I promise I'll never buy the books. It was ridiculous prettiness, which was both what I expected and needed, and in the shape of the romance greatly resembles ridiculous Regency romances, so very much my cup of tea. I'd most like to watch Black Sails and American Gods next, but am unsure how to go about doing so.

I want very much to form a platonic sort of marriage with someone so that I don't have to pay bills alone.

What have you been up to?
nny: (massive gayist)
so hey, it's been a while. :)
nny: (Default)
I apologise for my interminable absence, but it appears that I've somehow become a real person, somewhere in the interim. Working hard, succeeding often, filling practically every hour with Stuff and Things.

This weekend, for instance, I have done three loads of laundry, sorted four bags of clothes and shoes for the charity shop, hoovered, scrubbed the bathroom and kitchen, cleaned, tidied and sorted the bedroom, done a sensible food shop, marked a set of books, painted my nails, shaved my legs, made a shrimp jambalaya that'll feed me for the week, and watched far more of old GBBO than is probably sane or sensible.

I'm still working on the whole work/social life balance, but on the whole I'm feeling pretty good.
nny: (where the stories are)
So apparently imzy is The New Fandom Thing. Whether that's true or not remains very much to be seen, but I've chosen to get in early and grab my name; if anyone wants an invite, whack your email in the (screened) comments and I'll send one your way. :D

Oh, and if anyone has an Imzy blog or comm, let me know the name and I'll come join up!
nny: (Default)
ok i'm haLF asleep but just a note to think about tomorrow: dean winchester's first crush is eliot spencer

mmhmm

ok

n'night
nny: (Ronon)
I am doing a large sort and clean of my tiny little flat, which has resulted in my finding bundles of cool stationary plus many little envelope size fripperies.

If you'd like a letter, please leave your address in the screened comments.

(And if you find the time to respond, that would be delightful too.)
nny: (Default)
Am now deep into week 6 of constant pain and today is my first day with slightly more effective painkillers.

I'm tired - pain is kind of exhausting - and I'm stressed as hell about the time I'm taking off from work (sporadic, only when the pain is really bad), although I have voluntarily organised meetings with HR to talk them through what I know, what I don't know, what's being done about it.

I'm also in a foul fucking temper.

Days like today I massively regret the fact that I live on my own.
nny: (Default)
Fitness advice please?

I want to get fitter but I really give up horribly easy, mostly because I'm self conscious. What can I do at home that'll help?

Any thoughts muchly appreciated. ♥
nny: (Default)
I put an app on my iPad this week. It's called Brain Sparker and is a free creativity app. It's basically like a deck of cards which you shake the app to shuffle and then pick one at random. It's a mix of statements and questions and pictures, and while it doesn't spark anything for stories right now I've decided to use it to complete morning pages, which is something I've been trying to do consistently for a while but keep making excuses out of.

(Mostly that I'm tired. I'm frequently tired.)

So this morning it started me off with 'What would make you happiest?'

Way to start with the little questions there, BS. XD

After four pages of writing and wrangling and thinking, I narrowed it down to this:

1. To feel like I am more in control of my life.
2. To be able to trust my own judgement.
3. To be a better friend.
4. To be less afraid.

I'm going to talk to my counsellor about these when I go back to see him - which isn't until the week after next because I paid my tax bill and therefore cannot afford mental health this month. I also have started listing practical things I can do to achieve these states, but if anyone has any advice for working towards any of them, I am absolutely all ears. :D

In other news I went to see Civil War; my brief thoughts are under the cut.

WAR, HUH. )
nny: (Default)
I got back from two weeks in Cuba last night. I am suntanned and exhausted and entirely out of touch with the entire universe. I quite like it.
nny: (Default)
Man, I forgot how upsetting it is, watching Daredevil.

*hides behind cushion*

Anyone else watching?
nny: (Default)
Hey kids

So I've had a weird couple of months. I screwed up my taxes, and the longer it went the more complicated completing them was. At the same time I had an decreasing sense of self-worth and a hugely rising anxiety level... and it took me this long to work out THE TWO WERE CONNECTED.

Long story short, I've now completed my tax return, I have a totally manageable bill to pay, and meantime I have sorted out my electricity tariff and set up direct debit for that and the water. So now I am able to convince myself that people care again, Snowflake!


Day 7

In your own space, share a favorite piece of original canon (a TV episode, a song, a favorite interview, a book, a scene from a movie, etc) and explain why you love it so much. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.




Okay. The level of utter perfection in this small video is going to take me a little while to itemise.

Spoilers for the Losers lie within )

ALSO, HIS FREAKIN' WHITE T-SHIRT. THANK THE MANY AND VARIED DEITIES FOR THAT WHITE T-SHIRT.
nny: (Default)
So today's Booster Buddy task was to spend five minutes writing in a journal or notebook and I guess it's somehow been a really long time, so here's a good place to talk. :D

I haven't been keeping up, I'm sorry; I really hope you guys are doing well at the moment! Things with me have been... kind of up and down, I guess. I've got to the point that I can no longer ignore all the things that need dealing with, and I'm energy-filled enough to deal with it, so it's mostly head down and bulling through.

Positive changes I have made:

cut for food talk )

I'm also using Booster Buddy, like I said, which is an app that helps you achieve little things when you're having a bad day. There's a daily check in, coping strategies, and minor quests that wake up your animal pal. I'm currently dressing mine up like Harold Finch.

Work is absurd. Teaching is always absurd. I suspect the government is trying to kill us all.
nny: (Default)
Or, dear brain: stop lying. )

(Sorry, I'm not bragging, I just... forget to listen. A lot.)
nny: (Default)
Counselling today was a celebration of sorts. I hadn't seen him since I got my job, and today was full of acknowledgements of the fact that I have worked hard And Therefore things are pretty good. (The therefore is important. The two are interconnected.)

Something important I am finding out: one of the truly lovely things about staying in one place for more than a year is that people start to know you (you start to let people know you). There is genuinely nothing I like better than people saying they thought of me, that something reminded them of me. Today it was an awesome woman at work who'd been to an 'odd, retro, Alice in Wonderland-themed' bar with 'weird skulls'. It's delightful that things like that make people think of me and rush to tell me so I can enjoy them. It's delightful that other people endorse their recommendations - yeah, Nny, that's so you!

For years I've only had that from people I've known online for years, people I love who unfortunately it takes a lot of planning to actually see. Now I'm getting to the point where I can say: hey, drinks next Friday? and I'm getting to the point where people say: hell yeah!

Life is getting good.
nny: (Default)
Well it's cold as hell, lobsters and jellyspoons, and I'm most unfond of it.

Today I have not yet clambered out of my pyjamas and I likely won't, neither. Instead at about 5 I shall have a bubbly bath with a book, and then I shall climb into new fresh and lovely pyjamas and, quite possibly, go to sleep. I would have slept last night, only I was filled to the brim with lovely bubbly.

This is because I got a job. :D I am the newest permanently contracted member of my school, which is the first time I've had a permanent contract. I'm relieved more than anything, relieved and delighted I don't have to move any time soon. Unfortunately they then went on in briefing to say 'so, we're hiring no more staff, you may need to teach things you don't know, also you can't photocopy anything any more', so... there are problems. Obviously.

Still! No Moving!

So if you've ever fancied a trip to Nottingham, I can now actually offer you a bed without tacking on the likelihood that I'll be gone by the time you get here!

That's kind of consumed the entirety of my life, lately. So I have no other news. A mental image, though:

Had a clear but odd mental image of John Reese breaking down with his forehead pressed against Eliot Spencer's shoulder - he has to hunch right down, it's ungainly - and Eliot holding on hard to the back of his neck and softly growling reassurances at him while he death-glares everyone else away.

I really wish I had a fic to build around it.
nny: (Default)
Hey all.

Snowflake challenge has melted temporarily, because it's the last week of term and I'm thoroughly exhausted and perpetually behind.

Tomorrow I have an interview for... my job. And there is one other candidate. So if I don't get it... I will be very glad of half term because I'm not getting out of bed for a week, basically.

Everything feels kind of terrible atm.
nny: (Default)
Last night I dreamed I drunk!stole a pig, and then I went back to tiny sleep so I could tiny dream feed it.

ETA: there appears to be a kindle version of books 2&3 of the captive prince trilogy, but not book 1. I feel thwarted.

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