nny: (Default)
[personal profile] nny
I put an app on my iPad this week. It's called Brain Sparker and is a free creativity app. It's basically like a deck of cards which you shake the app to shuffle and then pick one at random. It's a mix of statements and questions and pictures, and while it doesn't spark anything for stories right now I've decided to use it to complete morning pages, which is something I've been trying to do consistently for a while but keep making excuses out of.

(Mostly that I'm tired. I'm frequently tired.)

So this morning it started me off with 'What would make you happiest?'

Way to start with the little questions there, BS. XD

After four pages of writing and wrangling and thinking, I narrowed it down to this:

1. To feel like I am more in control of my life.
2. To be able to trust my own judgement.
3. To be a better friend.
4. To be less afraid.

I'm going to talk to my counsellor about these when I go back to see him - which isn't until the week after next because I paid my tax bill and therefore cannot afford mental health this month. I also have started listing practical things I can do to achieve these states, but if anyone has any advice for working towards any of them, I am absolutely all ears. :D

In other news I went to see Civil War; my brief thoughts are under the cut.



Sam/Bucky.

Actually, Sam/Bucky/Steve and any combination thereof.

Clint was Clint.

I did genuinely not expect to cry so hard over Bucky. I guess I was primed by Peggy's funeral, but I started crying when he said that he wasn't going to kill anyone and didn't stop for a while. WTF, brain??

I liked that it wasn't a case of someone being right and someone being wrong; you can see not only the views they hold but also how and why they got there, and that made for a more complex decision-making process.

I am firmly TEAM FALCON.

(no subject)

Date: 2016-05-16 12:25 am (UTC)
siegeofangels: The angel from Guido Reni's "The Angel Appearing To St. Jerome" (Default)
From: [personal profile] siegeofangels
Stuff that helps me feel more in control: little rituals, like making my bed in the morning or I think even the shower-toothbrush-lotion evening ablutions give me a little sense of "the world is chaotic and imperfect but I have put this one thing in order."

Things I do to help myself trust my judgement: call my attention to correct choices I have made, and not just to the incorrect choices. Also doing art or craft things where there is no correct way to do it, like abstract things or more doodling kind of stuff, stringing beads, the kind of stuff where I can be like, "maybe it's weird but I like it." Are coloring books for grownups a thing where you are?

My therapist says the only way to be less afraid/anxious about doing a thing is to do it, which is totally unfair and unfortunately true, afaik.

<333 I hope this was helpful, feel free to email me!

(no subject)

Date: 2016-05-16 01:37 am (UTC)
vivien: (Default)
From: [personal profile] vivien
Ah, to be less afraid. That is a great goal to have.

(((hugs)))

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