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This week I have to show my tutor group an LGBT powerpoint in preparation for Friday's assembly for which we have a trans lady coming in to speak. I wish I could expect it to be anything other than a terrible experience.

(Is that suitable for children? a colleague asked in a horrified whisper. I was on the other side of the room but I just - it's not a sex thing. Does she not get it's not a sex thing?)

I'm tired. I've never worked in such an absurdly paperwork-heavy school before. I'm tired, and I got held hostage by a stupid direct debit and had to pay an admin fee that was emphatically not my fault and I cried and I'm tired. I'll sleep when I'm dead is supposed to be some kind of rebellious statement, right, not just the way a working life dictates your time?
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Okay, I've totally been away for a few days, but you guys have got up to skip=40 and more! I'm kind of delighted by this.

Things in life are moderately terrible at the moment - I've applied for a job I'm not sure I can do while maintaining mental health, I've screwed up various financial things and I don't have the fortitude to work out how that's actually going to affect me, I've not actually done anything on the weekends at all this year up to and including leaving my flat, my nose is still slowly bleeding - but I'm feeling fairly optimistic anyway. If ever there was proof that feelings are chemicals and bear little resemblance to actual reality, right?

There are of course various things I know will make me feel better: spending more time planning effective lessons, getting caught up with marking, eating well, exercising more. I just am perpetually tired and lacking motivation. Considering that my nose is still bleeding and has been for a month I think this might be lingering concussion stuff? I hope so. I'd like there to be an end point. :D

Mostly I want motivation to finish the Person of Interest fic I started a couple of weeks ago. It's only going to be short, I know exactly what needs to happen, but committing fic in a new fandom is terrible and unnerving.
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Day 6

In your own space, create your own challenge. What’s something you want to see more people doing in fandom? Is there something you’ve tried that you think other people would enjoy if they gave it a go? Dare your friends to try it out, and have fun with it. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


I think I'd like to institute a weekly fandom squee. Say, Fandom Fridays, in which you summarise what you've been up to for the week. Maybe it would involve fic recs, episode reviews, picspams, canon promotion, ficlet requests, music you've been listening to that reminds you of your OTP...

I think I'm going to give it a go.
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Day 5

Leave feedback for a fanwork. Or multiple fanworks. It can be as simple as I liked this to a detailed list of all the things you loved about the fanwork. The key is to leave some sort of feedback.

If you've already left feedback in the course of a previous challenge, it totally counts. But you're free to leave more feedback.

Afterwards, leave a comment in this post with the equivalent of "I did it!" If you feel so inclined, leave a link to the fanwork you left feedback for so others can check it out.


Done!

I read Fidelis by the_ragnarok, which was a really lovely look at John Reece's urgent need to be owned. Urgent. This is also the theme running through the current PoI fic that I'm writing. :D

I make a practice of leaving feedback regularly, for pretty much everything I read - kudos are for re-reads. Feedback on AO3 means a hell of a lot to me, and it's also a huge factor in whether I decide to read anyone else's work - my fic wouldn't meet my own standards, of course. I'm not very good at feedback, and it's mostly a variation on 'Thank you so much, this was a fantastic read!' but it's worth the couple seconds. Sometimes feedback is the only decent thing about your day.
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Day 4

In your own space, create a fanwork. Make a drabble, a ficlet, a podfic, or an icon, art or meta or a rec list. Arts and crafts. Draft a critical essay about a particular media. Put together a picspam or a fanmix. Write a review of a Broadway show, a movie, a concert, a poetry reading, a museum trip, a you-should-be-listening-to-this-band essay. Compose some limericks, haikus, free-form poetry, 5-word stories. Document a particular bit of real person canon. Take some pictures. Draw a stick-figure comic. Create something. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


Today hasn't been a kind day, brain wise. I've put away all the clean laundry, washed a load, cleaned the bathroom, changed the sheets and done two loads of washing up - it's been a long week, it'd been waiting a while - and I still feel as though I've been entirely useless and unproductive. So my fannish creation is melted chocolate buttons in a silicone mould, chocolate iron man faces and captain america shields. We will watch the words come back, now, when they're no longer needed. I could have waited longer and done this challenge another day, but I'd like to move forward rather than berating myself for being unable to do it, so. Perhaps I'll create a subsidiary something on another day.
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I had two (TWO!) social commitments after work yesterday, which does rather mean that I have to have today away from people to recover. I'm an introvert, I'm unused to a social life in my current location (although I am working steadily to build one, and I am making excellent progress!) and my brain hasn't been particularly nice to me recently, so the recovery time is basically essential. I made the foolish error of reading Hollow Your Bones Like a Bird's this morning, which may confine me to my flat for the rest of the weekend with the rest of the Toaster 'verse.

There are worse fates.

I've stalled temporarily on the snowflake challenge because the next task is to create a fanwork, and my brain hasn't, as I said, been kind. Writing continues, but nothing that I would feel confident to share. I considered podficcing, or creating some sort of fanmix, but the conviction that the universe is impatient with me isn't shifting yet, so I'll keep greasing the tracks and give it time.

I need to start using my weekends again, I think. The new year so far - it's still new until I've written the date, and so far I have successfully avoided it - has been one of recovery, but the walls of my flat are starting to pall. (I'm tired of being cold, too - that's the best thing about going to work, at the moment.)

I appear to be treating my slow cooker like a new pet, terrified to leave it alone for too long in case something goes wrong. Currently cooking: chicken breast, chestnut mushrooms, garlic, seasoning, white wine - light philadelphia to be added later. Om potentially nom. :D

ETA: OM DEFINITELY NOM
nny: (under the skin)
I had kind of a meltdown in counselling on Wednesday because my counsellor implied that people might like me in a way that was - hard to disprove using my usual well-worn arguments.

I kinda see its value now. (It's still expensive tho)
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Day 03

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


A Moment's Wimsey [1/1 | 856 words | G]
Archer's Goon/Lord Peter Wimsey

Given time and experience (and an able manservant) he'll be immaculate, no doubt, but just now he has hair a little too long and coat sleeves a fraction too short as though they were designed with someone else entirely in mind. It's just different enough to be interesting, to set the mind whirling with stories, and a musician is only half songs. The remaining is the legend that grows up around him.

The area in which I've always excelled is drabbles and ficlets, if only because I can finish and post them before my wiggling worms of self-doubt can root themselves underneath the idea and turf it out. I have always been able to make unlikely things work in a very few words, and they are most often the things that wear well, too.

Becca gave me this pairing once, in a long-ago prompt meme, and I have always loved and been proud of the result.


World Without End [1/1 | 12,760 words | G]
Good Omens, Aziraphale/Crowley

'Home' was always one of those subjective words, of course.

Good Omens had to be included, of course, because it was my first real sticking place. I don't think I'll ever leave it, it's just such a wonderful thing. This is one of my longer stories - yes, 12,000 is long for me, isn't it painful - and I felt it hung together rather well. It had something that resembled an actual plot, and didn't just mush two characters together because I thought they ought to be mushed.

(If you like it, I'm also quite proud of Castles in the Sand and Sherbert Holmes and the Elephant of Surprise.)


Since I mentioned two others above I'm going to cheat a little and rec something original.

Piracy in the UK [1,000 words, G]

‘course, they weren’t naturals straight away. That’s not to be expected. They almost lost Devon in the first storm set to ‘em, and there’s not a man Maniah knows hasn’t lost someone to the sea, but he figures that for bargaining of a sort. Paying their passage in the oldest way, two pennies, two daughters, an eldest son for the ferryman. It’s best, he thinks, that he never married.

The best stories are the ideas that I'm too scared to write. Always.

Ask me aboout the John Sheppard soulmark fic, sometime
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Day 2

In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your wish-list if you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe someone will grant a wish. Check out other people's posts. Maybe you will grant a wish. If any wishes are granted, we'd love it if you link them to this post.


Oooooooh. OOOOOOOOOOoooooooooh.

I would like:

1) Domestic John/Finch fic. I mean, they've already kidnapped a baby together and adopted a dog, what more do you want? There's seriously a deplorable lack of domestic fic that I've been able to find, and a) they deserve all the lovely warm safe scenarios in the universe, b) I want to WATCH THEM FAIL. Oh man. They would just be so horrible at it. The baby had a grenade.

2) Recs of active fandom comms that I can contribute to. Maybe multi-fannish? Fic prompty? ANYTHING PERSON OF INTEREST?

3) Someone who's willing to beta my stuff, or take a look at my older stuff and just... tell me what I'm screwing up? I'm clearly screwing something up. XD

(this is not in any way a criticism of previous volunteers, who have been wonderful and gracious and I appreciate them so much! I'm just... I hate asking. I don't feel like my little bits are even worth the effort, frankly, so it's hard to request.)

I think I'll have a poke around the list and see if there's anything I can fill today, since my ability to write without prompting is approximately zero today. Too long at work, I think.
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This year I intended to take part in the snowflake fandom challenge, and then I concussed myself with an iron. Doing it late means I'm going to miss out on the community aspect of it some, I guess, but introspection can be a good thing in moderation, so forgive me while I navel gaze belatedly.

Day 01

In your own space, talk about why you are doing the Fandom Snowflake Challenge? What drew you to it as a participant? What do you hope to accomplish by doing these challenges? Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


I've missed Dreamwidth/LJ a ridiculous amount, frankly. My fannish experience recently has largely shifted to Tumblr, because that's where a lot of fandom has fled, and while it is hugely emotionally satisfying on a short term basis - squeeing, photospams, fan art, ficlets - it doesn't satisfy my need for connection within fandom. I've missed talking and watching people talk; while it definitely does still happen on tumblr it's more difficult to be a completist. I want to see a whole conversation take place, rather than catching glimpses and being afraid to contribute.

Tumblr feels like yelling your thoughts into a room and hoping someone shouts back. Dreamwidth feels more like a conversation.

Of course, this can't happen unilaterally, and a lot of drift is because it's been quieter around here. People are still around but not nearly so fannish, and it's so lovely as a way of keeping up with friends but it's not so much a part of my fannish squee. And I'd like it to be.

That's why I've followed some new people on DW, and why I'm actively searching for new comms to get involved in. I'd like to recapture fannish joy, and I figure doing the snowflake challenge - belated as it is - is a good way to do that.
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What's new in 2016? Anyone got any new year's resolutions?
nny: (where the stories are)
I've been thinking about work a lot lately.

The problem we seem to have more than any other is low aspirations. What I'd like to do is start a kind of... dream development club. A little time set aside to listen to kids, to listen to what they'd do in their wildest dreams, and show them routes that could take them there if they put the work in.

Like, researching local clubs that build the required skills; helping them research what further education is needed; helping them to put together a savings plan so they can contribute towards theatre school, whatever it is that they want to achieve. Allowing them to start to see a path - allowing them to see that a path is actually possible in a way that's not, like, X-Factor or whatever.

I had a kid I was talking to - he's 11 years old and he wants to be an American footballer. And that's it, that's all he's thought about it, which is totally valid for his age of course. But I spent ten minutes with him, we researched, found a local club, emailed to ask what age they start training and what exercise and skills he can develop until he's at an age to join. It was the smallest thing, but he seriously was so enthused by it.

The area we're in, a lot of the parents don't have the experience to be able to offer this kind of support. I mean, I don't necessarily, but I'm reasonably good at research at least.

I dunno. I'll talk to my friend who runs extension & achievement, see if it's a feasible thing.
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Okay, yes, wittering about concussions is unseemly. Chin up!

Good things at present:

I am reading Bill Bryson, who has become rather more cantankerous in his old age, but continues to string together delightful sentences. I like reading about places I know from someone else's perspective, it's rather delightful.

I am also reading Medieval Graffiti, about the aforementioned that's been found in various churches around England. It's taking its time getting started, but the writing style is engaging and I'm interested enough in the subject matter to continue. It's making me think of one of the places I've lived and I think it might be Gloucester - unfortunately the concussion has left it a little harder to distinguish at present. XD

I have goals! Namely this. I'm nowhere near financially prepared for buying a house at present, but the urge to actually buy - to commit to a place, to commit to facing any consequences from mistakes made in a place, is a new thing for me. It's warring against my habitual itchy feet, certainly, but man am I ready for the change! It's nice to have a saving goal, and even if one of this row of cottages isn't available when I've saved enough for it to be a sensible option, there are enough places like it in Nottingham that I'm sure I'll be able to find somewhere.

I also think I will be joining this library, as it looks utterly beautiful from the website and I need more reasons to leave the house that don't involve shopping. Another indication that I won't be leaving Nottingham any time soon, which is simultaneously lovely and unnerving.

Finally, I've been writing rather more lately, although nothing of any real substance. Mostly silly little Person of Interest ficlets because I continue enthralled. Unfortunately I don't have the mental faculty to do it any justice; this morning was spent speculating about Finch meeting Baymax.
nny: (farting around)
I feel, as ever, as though I've written nothing, but these are in fact what I wrote:


Nomenclature [MCU, Bucky/Bruce, 2030 words]

"I’m not him,” Barnes says, and Bruce twists without meaning to, looks at the blank lines of his face.“Him?”
“Sergeant Barnes,” he says. His mouth twists a little when he says it. “Bucky.”
“Okay,” Bruce says. He knows about names, about who gets to choose them, about which ones get given. He knows about the power that lives in that. “So who do you want to be?”


Filed Away [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny, 1,540 words]

No one questions him going home with Steve, because where the hell else is he gonna go, huh? Somewhere there's a hospital room with his family's name on it - and this is possibly literal, okay, because Stan has more money than Danny can actually conceive of, and one time Danny was party to stealing ten million dollars. But somewhere there's a hospital room with his family's name on, only that name isn't his any more. Somehow he got shuffled off to the side, lost in the index, dotted and filed and stuck in a box marked 'done'.

Tumblr Ficlets [Due South, Fraser/Kowalski, 1051 words]

Tumblr Ficlets [Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny, 1631 words]

An Awkwardness of Firsts [Good Omens, Brian/Wensleydale, 4989 words]


Brian was a bit unpredictable, though, like a bomb about to go off. Also apparently he didn’t put his crisp packets in the bin even when there was a poster specifically telling him to put his crisp packets in the bin. Jeremy was almost sure he didn’t want to be friends with Brian.



I have a bunch of unfinished things, too, but. Yeah. That's pretty sad.

Goal: MORE WORDS THIS YEAR.
nny: (this is fanfic)
I would like to do fandom more on here, I think; it's been a bit void-shouty lately. Is anyone member of any good fandomy comms? Specifically on dreamwidth, because I'm terribler at keeping up with LJ. I just could use a bit more talk where I can feel a part of the conversation, maybe a little more prompting to write.



Today is a bad head day. I want to sleep for a million years but tomorrow I'm back to work so a normal awakeness schedule seems warranted. My spelling is terrible but that's fine because you can't tell. :D
nny: (DAMMIT YES)
In the welter of Teen Wolf and Hawaii Five-0 and a hundred hundred procedurals, I had kind of forgotten that there's worth in watching things that are Actually Good. I have this whole narrative about escapism, and how the last thing I want to do when I get home is think; I have reasons relating to the X-Files and how terribly they wrangled the conspiracy in that towards the end. In truth I'm lazy, and new things frequently make me anxious, but I gave Person of Interest a try anyway, and it continues to improve. It is excellently written, the conspiracy is both labyrinthine and thoroughly threaded, the breadcrumbs are enough to tantalise without giving the game away... and the two main dudes are deeply and heartbreakingly in love with each other, and the main lovely lady is both clearly bisexual and shipping them hard. I really am quite deeply in love.
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Richard Brooks seriously has the most distinctive voice ever. :D Even without seeing him on POI I'm grinning like a loon.

I am off work today because I was at A&E last night because a couple of evenings ago I dropped an iron on my head. Obviously, headache, but also a nosebleed and some small amount of memory loss. However I am not knocked silly enough to mean I need a brain scan, which is definitely reassuring, even if I did get sliiiightly lost on the way home.

I'm taking a break from Tumblr because it swallows the entirety of my life.
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I just got an exceptionally cute Good Omens Christmas exchange story. :D

Wires Crossed

Go read, leave feedback!

nny: (Default)
the problem I'm having, of course, is that when one sets upon a place to stay in, one rather wants it to be perfect right away.

The other problem is that there is in actual fact no better alternative, although this may not precisely be a problem, since enducement to staying still is an advantage for The Long Run.

I'm just really tired of having no one near me. I've made some very isolating choices, and suddenly here consequences are, all of a sudden, because I've decided to stay still and face them. And the consequences are most noticeably the physical-ache sort of loneliness. The kind that sits in your chest like something rotten, slowly collapsing in on itself and leaving a vacuum behind.

I had excuses when I was moving. Now I'm staying put and wondering how many people are feeling sorry for me. I'm pretty sure it's most.

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