(no subject)

[nny]

I went down to the docks because I hadn't left the house today and needed to remember what the sun felt like. Good, is the answer, especially when accompanied by Good Omens, which I haven't read in a while; I miss the days when I was reading it every other month, before milliways_bar when I didn't read it for over a year for fear it'd remind me how much I was fucking up my characterisation. (I swear I wasn't, not really, not as much as I was told.)

On the way back I saw a vacant lot with the staining of an outlined house on the brick wall next to it, the absence where a wall and a roof and a chimney had been, and I thought about Merlin standing there in the dark (save for the gold in his eyes) as he concentrated and pulled and painted with his mind, collecting a shop from pieces and memories and time and collating it around himself, unremarkable and unremarked because it'd always been there of course. Since yesterday, and forever.

And then I saw roll on foundation advertised in the window of Boots, and it annoyed me in the way of the crack filling polyfilla makeup, thinking about masking tape carefully pressed around lips so as not to fuck up the edging, thinking about how no one wants to know what you really look like until waking up, until too late. "Do you feel like you ought to be punished for your looks?" "I am punished for my looks." And the ridiculousness of the premise of that film, that Uma Thurman could be more attractive than Janeane Garofalo's wit, and cynicism, and smile.

My brain's not as on the ball as I'd like. I think I need to own my grump-nuggetedness, because feeling guilty about it is getting me nowhere, making me feel worse, and it's taking too long for the hormones to clear out.

Comments

[pennyplainknits.livejournal.com]

Whenever I see a vacent lot I think of that wonderful scene in The Shadow when everyone thinks the unused land it empty, but Margot can see it, and it's a huge high rise building.

I saw that foundation! It did not look as though it would be easy to blend. And I'm one of those people that is rarely without makeup, because of my acne scars, so I care about foundation probably more than I should

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

Someone who knows from skin problems was pointing out that the roll-on makeup would probably be useless in a week or so: it's not just that it'd be hard to blend, but that bacteria might stick to the applicator in a way that they wouldn't to newly cleaned fingers.

[requiem2adream.livejournal.com]

... Roll on foundation?

There are just no words for how ridiculous that sounds.