(no subject)

[nny]

I should be working, on essays and such.



Instead I'm sorting through my LJ memories. I would be tidying my room, but it's escaped largely intact after the party- my friend sobbed all over me and then passed out in there quite early on, which meant that I ended up snuggled with a very nice young man on Bigger's bed. I was terribly drunk, so I ended up kissing him, the found out he had a girlfriend. I maintain that this is not my fault. *g*

I am also considering doing some more archiving for hpsquick100, possibly writing some drabbles for the hp100 catch up week, avoiding working on anything that involves plotting, debating adding an entry for crispy_critter, and wondering why no one's on YM.

I'm conspicuously not working. I'm conspicuously not writing. I have this very odd stubbornness(*) switch in my head, which is activated as soon as I'm given something I *have* to do. It decides to deactivate all my useful brain functions until about 24 hours before said something has to be done, when it slips into overdrive and I work like a monkey and hand in something that's okay, that's adequate, that'll get me good marks, but something I could've done better.It's like my brain's thinking "NONONONONONONoNOYOUCAN'TMAKEME!!!" And then it realises Oh, wait. You can. That's your job.

I have no motivation. Where is my motivation? No time for motivation... Okay, I'll stop. I suck, actually. I spend a lot of my life doing nothing. This bugs me a lot, because I think I have the potential to write adequately, if not well, and I just never seem to get round to it. My entire life is just a swamp of lethargy. I never really achieve all that much. I hate this facet of my character, but I'm too unmotivated to change it.

I get disheartened far too easily when writing. I write best with instant feedback, on YM, or little drabbles on LJ that people can comment on. As soon as I start working on anything longer I give up after a few pages because I doubt my judgement as to whether it's worthwhile.

Dang.

Ah well. I don't really know what the point of this message is, really. The library's not open, so I can't go get books, and I'm not tired, so I can't sleep, so I'm just bimbling around online, looking for stuff to divert me. This wasted a few minutes, at least.

(*)I would call it a procrastination switch, but that switch would put off flicking on until I'd already done the work. *g*

Comments

[vimeslady.livejournal.com]

"I suck, actually. I spend a lot of my life doing nothing... My entire life is just a swamp of lethargy. I never really achieve all that much. I hate this facet of my character, but I'm too unmotivated to change it."

I so feel the same way about my self and life. I could have written that paragraph. Except I wouldn't have said it nearly so well.