(no subject)

[nny]

I'm going to be forty next year.

I'm fine with it, I'm interested to know if it feels materially any different from turning 30, which was - it's been a tough decade, but 30 was still somehow a deep breath out. I like myself more this decade, even if there's still work to be done.

I had a visit from my mum on Wednesday though, which was challenging. It was full of seemingly innocent questions like "so when are you going to write a book, then?" and "have you considered doing a PhD?" and "Why aren't you working five days a week?" and "at your age I think you deserve to be earning more." And then there are the completely batshit questions that just illustrate how entirely out of touch with the real world she is, like "why doesn't your housemate(/landlady) put your name on the deed?"

It's surprising to realise that the acceptance of the fact that I will in fact never be enough still has the power to hurt.

Upcoming read for my second book club:

The House in the Cerulean Sea by T J Klune

Linus Baker leads a quiet life. At forty, he has a tiny house with a devious cat and his beloved records for company. And at the Department in Charge of Magical Youth, he’s spent many dull years monitoring their orphanages.

Then one day, Linus is summoned by Extremely Upper Management and given a highly classified assignment. He must travel to an orphanage where six dangerous children reside, including the Antichrist. There, Linus must somehow determine if they could bring on the end of days. But their guardian, charming and enigmatic Arthur Parnassus, will do anything to protect his wards. As Arthur and Linus grow ever closer, Linus must choose between duty and his dreams.

An excellent reality-avoidance tool, I think.

Comments

[soupytwist]

I think the questions from your mum that make you go "what the actual fuck planet are you on?" really show that the other questions aren't based in reality. It sucks that they are still so awful, and I wish there was an easy way to change that, though. *hugs hugs hugs *

[petra]

I'm sorry your mother's failure to grasp your reality can still wound you. She is clearly not communicating with the you in front of her, but rather with an alternate version of you whose baseline parameters are different.

[apiphile]

I have no idea if this will make you feel any better or not but this seems to be a common parental attitude, particularly towards daughters and those perceived as daughters--my friends all seem to be facing similar out-of-touch stupidity and ~But why aren't you more successful~ from parents who themselves did not actually achieve the things they're demanding of their kids. [I just put people on time out when they ask questions like this]. You do plenty. You lead an active, intersting life (especially for someone who is faced with many of the challenges that you face!), are well-liked, and have enough for your purposes. If your mother is oriented towards a paradigm of perpetual growth and achievement which is frankly outdated then I feel sad for her missing out on your contentment. I hope you can uncouple your sense of worth from anything she has to say about you.

The House in the Cerulean Sea by T J Klune

ooooh my friends are very complimentary about this one! Have fun with it!

[naye]

Is your mom an alien? Just checking! Because lololol yeah no this is not how THIS world works.