(no subject)

Thank you, everyone who reassured me yesterday. I really needed that. Every now and again us single people have these periods of existential uncertainty. And there's this whole cycle of loathing there- nobody loves me, and I suck because I *care* that nobody loves me, and I should be above that, and I should be happy in myself, but I'm not because nobody loves me... It's all messy.

Today I feel better. I have lovely lovely friends, online and off. I climbed halfway up a mountain... well. Not so much a mountain. More a big hill, really. But far enough to make me wheeze, which is certainly more exercise than I've had in a long time. Smaller and I communed with sheep, and ate prawn mayonnaise sandwiches, and then I went to the cinema and watched Wimbledon. Dear *fucking* god that man is stunning. No, really. And there was gratuitous arse, overlaid with "stay don't go" by Spoon. Hurrah!

Last night was also grand. Went out for a bit of indie disco, and I reckon that was what I'd been missing. Submitted my request sheet and the very next song was one off there- Crazy Game of Poker by Of a Revolution, which is one of the best songs I've ever heard. Straight after that was another of my requests- He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot by Grandaddy. Good bloody DJ, good bloody night out, royally screwed on a tenner and no hangover today.

Now? Now I'm pretty happy. I don't need love. I'll settle down happily with a DVD player and a Wimbledon DVD, and write Peter/Dieter slash.

Cheers, all. You rock.