(no subject)

Went up to Mrs Spike's house last night. This was initially because she was going to go into court this morning for some sort of financial report doobry, during which I was going to babysit. Unfortunately, poor dear Spikelet was sick an awful lot, absolutely exhausting herself - I had to hold onto her and occasionally support her over the potty as she puked, while her mum changed the bedding. Then there was phoning NHS Direct, and finally sleep, and then in the morning I accompanied them both to the doctors. (Also to a bookshop where I got a selection of Yeats poetry, but that's another matter entirely).

In other words, yes. I know there are quite a few things that I ought to be doing.

For now, though?

I'm taking a nap.

(no subject)

So I just woke up again feeling (and incidentally, looking) like shit.

If I have caught whatever it is that Spikelet has got I will be so incredibly unamused.

Just, y'know, warning you in advance. In case I go stompy-rage later.

(no subject)

Speaking too soon - I always speak to soon. It's what I do. But. I think I have the glimmerings of a Plan. For my life, I mean, for the next few years. It needs fine-tuning, certainly, but the knowledge that it's plausible and possible and may well be good for me is an excellent feeling.



See... It just hit me. Literally, last night. I wondered... what am I waiting for? When do I become a grown up? What miraculous event will force that out of me? Fuck that. I decided that I'm ready. It's a process, it's been going on a while, I just never really knew what to call it, and I think it's that I'm finally becoming an adult.

I looked at Mrs Spike, and Spikelet, who came along when Mrs Spike was a little younger than I am now. And that was a forced adulthood, y'know? And then she married Spike, which may not have been the best plan, and it wasn't something that she was necessarily ready for. Whereas I have got to a stage in my life where nothing is really forcing me; I could easily go on mucking about with unimportant jobs I'm just doing for the cash for another few years. Nothing is making me take this step apart from the fact that I realised that I can.

Maturity is realising when it's okay to be an idiot, so don't worry - that won't stop. I will still get masturbating parrot moods. (And yes, I so need a masturbating parrot icon). Just... maturity is being honest with yourself, I think, and being prepared to be who you are. And recognising that some personality flaws will always be personality flaws but that doesn't mean I can't work on them. Deal with them.

So I decided to be a grown up. Make a plan. And it was like the possibility of this plan was waiting for me to be mature enough to accept it. To stop fighting against something I've always been told I'd be good at, just because it's not the most glamorous thing in the world ever. To stop fighting it just because it's in my nature to go against what I'm told. It's not grown up to always try and do things on my own, it's just contrary. Grown up is making decisions for myself after looking at all the options and weighing them equally.

So. Yeah. I think maybe I have the outline of a Plan.

And damn, it feels good.