(no subject)

I really cannot bear the thought of it, but even if I fail I'm going to see if I can get into the GTP program and train that way, or work for another term in September, or anything that'll mean I will eventually be a teacher. Because I am learning to be organised, and that is what everything comes down to essentially.

What bugs me most, ridiculously, is that people might think - due to my lack of organisation and so on - that I'm not working hard. That I'm just trying to coast it. I shouldn't even care what people think; it's comforting to know I'm working as damned hard as I possibly can, frankly. But the idea that people might have the idea that I'm not doing my damndest for this makes me sad.

Six days. I can get through this. I don't know if I can pass this or not, but I can at least survive. And then I can cash my cheques that will eventually come my way - repayment of travel expenses - and I will splash out on a back massage that I can't afford. (For those I haven't told yet - I have had all my money stolen. Bank details, internet, all that crap. Not the best time of my life.) I'm so tense right now that it hurts to move and even laying down is an arse.

...AN ICE CREAM VAN IS NOW TAUNTING ME! D: Am close enough to the edge these days to get a lump in my throat over the icecream I cannot currently afford. Fucking hell am I looking forward to getting some sleep this weekend. XD