(no subject)

[nny]

I don't understand where autumn came from. It feels like the dead leaves are still last year's, like there was never a chance to clear them from the ground. What happened? How did I miss so much? I forget sometimes that while I'm passing through life, life's passing me by. I expect things to pause for me, and then I get confused when they don't.

It's windy today. Not so much blowing as heavily sighing, and when you're over-identifying with the weather you know you must be ill. I'm ill. My head's working all crazy. I'm shaking and electric, trying to stay still and unable to move. I should be in bed, but bed is overrated. There are people I have to talk to to feel human, to feel okay. I feel okay. I'm still breathing, right?

Right?

The sun is gonna go soon, and I forgot to see it. A summer without a trip to the beach is sad. Without a trip to the park is just pathetic. My arms hurt. I feel like I'm having to hold them back from something, like without my control they'd be flailing madly. Tense and aching. I feel like I should be having more trouble typing this. My brain is foggy and strange. It feels unfamiliar. Like doors have opened, only I can't really see behind them. I guess I'll have to see if they're still open when the mist clears. I feel like I'm on the edge of some discovery about myself.

I feel like I'm talking bollocks.

Does this make any sense? I genuinely don't know. I can't remember what I've written, which is interesting, but interesting in a blank minded kind of way because I can't remember what I've written. Which is interesting.

Strangely enough, this is me when I've actually *had* sleep.

I think I'm ill.

Comments

[ygrane.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[yakalskovich]

I know how you feel - it's as if the brain was stuffed with cotton wool; one slept enough, but still is vaguely tired, but utterly unable to sleep now. Strong distraction might work - watching a movie, or going out to be battered about by the wind. If one can be bothered to go outside, that is, and doesn't putter about all day, aimless and without any result.

As for the summer being over: there are pumpkins about again. There's a heap of them for sale in a field I've got to cycle through on my way to work, with a little box where you're supposed to pay for them, all honestly and so on. That's a definite indicator for the summer being over.

[dramaturgca.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
It makes perfect sense.

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

It's not bollocks. I think I understand how you feel, at least partially. *hug*

Strangely enough, this is me when I've actually *had* sleep.

... Not so strange. After all, when you're tired your brain is too sedated to think deeply about this kind of thing.

[darthrami.livejournal.com]

You are perfectly fine, and absolutely normal. Just as fucked up as the rest of us. It's what life is all about.

{{hugs}}