(no subject)
Sep. 27th, 2005 09:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyI have insomnia currently, and my brain is fragmenting under the pressure.
I wish this was the beginning of a tale of merry and crack-filled japes, but it's not. I think I'm going mad. It's not such a long trip, I guess. At times the state of my head is seriously worrying me, and I seem to have far less control over my weirdnesses than I've ever had before.
I won't go see anyone unless it gets a lot worse, because I fear medication. I don't go to doctors, you may have noticed, and I don't even take pain killers unless I physically can't, like, get out of bed. I realise this is an immature standpoint, but there's also a whole lot of cultural upbringing in there - stiff upper lip really does exist. Brits aren't so easy with the whole medication thing. I should lock myself in the attic, instead, maybe.
Plus there's a part of me that doesn't want to be fixed, because my weirdnesses are what make me what I am.
I realise that what I am is tremendously and hideously annoying and frustrating at times, yes. I could certainly do without the insecurities, I suppose. But, man. Can you imagine what I'd be like with an ego? *shudders*
I'll probably be fine again once I'm getting more than two hours sleep a night, but right now some of my outbursts are actually scaring me. My brain is a deeply strange place.
Why am I telling you this? I'm... not entirely sure. Fair warning, I guess, in case I'm odd at you in the rare moments I manage to get myself onto a chat program. Just... y'know, ignore me until I've had some sleep. Ravelled sleeves, and shit.
I wish this was the beginning of a tale of merry and crack-filled japes, but it's not. I think I'm going mad. It's not such a long trip, I guess. At times the state of my head is seriously worrying me, and I seem to have far less control over my weirdnesses than I've ever had before.
I won't go see anyone unless it gets a lot worse, because I fear medication. I don't go to doctors, you may have noticed, and I don't even take pain killers unless I physically can't, like, get out of bed. I realise this is an immature standpoint, but there's also a whole lot of cultural upbringing in there - stiff upper lip really does exist. Brits aren't so easy with the whole medication thing. I should lock myself in the attic, instead, maybe.
Plus there's a part of me that doesn't want to be fixed, because my weirdnesses are what make me what I am.
I realise that what I am is tremendously and hideously annoying and frustrating at times, yes. I could certainly do without the insecurities, I suppose. But, man. Can you imagine what I'd be like with an ego? *shudders*
I'll probably be fine again once I'm getting more than two hours sleep a night, but right now some of my outbursts are actually scaring me. My brain is a deeply strange place.
Why am I telling you this? I'm... not entirely sure. Fair warning, I guess, in case I'm odd at you in the rare moments I manage to get myself onto a chat program. Just... y'know, ignore me until I've had some sleep. Ravelled sleeves, and shit.
