(no subject)
Jan. 15th, 2006 01:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyI have a badge on my bag which says 'hated by the Daily Mail'. I got it at WOMAD, and it really appealed to me. My parents read the Daily Mail, and I read it when I was younger for lack of any other news source, and it made me feel faintly sick. It wasn't as blatantly ridiculous as the Sun, but the morals and ideals it expressed weren't things I could agree with - double page spreads on how women who stay at home and have a family are, without exception, happier than those who have a career, for instance. Slightly difficult to swallow.
Thing is, I really do wish the badge were more true.
I'm bisexual, I make no secret of it online. It's a safe enough place to be so, especially in the areas of fandom I frequent, and that sometimes makes me forget that it's not quite the same in the world at large. I've never had a proper relationship, I've never had sex, I've never been successfully in love. I don't make a point of hiding my sexuality, but it's not something that ever really comes up because I'm not a particularly attractive person; I don't think people see me in a sexual way. I don't think I see myself that way, really. I have issues with trusting people and I don't think I could enter a relationship that wasn't based on it, so it's not something that's going to come up until I manage to gain some more confidence from somewhere. I am working on it, and I will continue to, and I think I'm doing better than I was, but it's not an issue right now.
But I've never embraced the gay lifestyle. I wouldn't even know where to begin, really; I suppose the Cardiff Mardi Gras would be a good place to start, but it rather intimidates me and I wouldn't want to go alone. I don't know whether I want to make a big deal of the fact that sometimes, yes, I do fancy girls... but then, I'm not sure how to proceed without doing so. My gaydar, while fully functioning when it comes to men, has absolutely no input about which girls I might have a chance with if approached. Regardless.
My concession is a rainbow friendship bracelet I made, and a rainbow 'pride' band that I got from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soupytwist. More often than not I forget I'm wearing it, really - it's not so much a statement as it is absentmindedness - but I do remember to take it off when I go home. Because my siblings would ostracize me, and although I have told my mum, it makes her uncomfortable.
So how proud am I, really?
I suspect I'm exactly the kind of outsider the Daily Mail likes - quiet about it. Strictly behind closed doors.
*shrugs*
I don't really know what the point of this post was; sometimes I just make myself kind of frustrated.
Thing is, I really do wish the badge were more true.
I'm bisexual, I make no secret of it online. It's a safe enough place to be so, especially in the areas of fandom I frequent, and that sometimes makes me forget that it's not quite the same in the world at large. I've never had a proper relationship, I've never had sex, I've never been successfully in love. I don't make a point of hiding my sexuality, but it's not something that ever really comes up because I'm not a particularly attractive person; I don't think people see me in a sexual way. I don't think I see myself that way, really. I have issues with trusting people and I don't think I could enter a relationship that wasn't based on it, so it's not something that's going to come up until I manage to gain some more confidence from somewhere. I am working on it, and I will continue to, and I think I'm doing better than I was, but it's not an issue right now.
But I've never embraced the gay lifestyle. I wouldn't even know where to begin, really; I suppose the Cardiff Mardi Gras would be a good place to start, but it rather intimidates me and I wouldn't want to go alone. I don't know whether I want to make a big deal of the fact that sometimes, yes, I do fancy girls... but then, I'm not sure how to proceed without doing so. My gaydar, while fully functioning when it comes to men, has absolutely no input about which girls I might have a chance with if approached. Regardless.
My concession is a rainbow friendship bracelet I made, and a rainbow 'pride' band that I got from
soupytwist. More often than not I forget I'm wearing it, really - it's not so much a statement as it is absentmindedness - but I do remember to take it off when I go home. Because my siblings would ostracize me, and although I have told my mum, it makes her uncomfortable. So how proud am I, really?
I suspect I'm exactly the kind of outsider the Daily Mail likes - quiet about it. Strictly behind closed doors.
*shrugs*
I don't really know what the point of this post was; sometimes I just make myself kind of frustrated.
