(no subject)
May. 17th, 2006 10:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyEurgh, I look like the rain threw up on me.
It has been a Day. I'm moving on to the more complicated procedures, the ones that take longer, so it looks an awful lot like my productivity has gone down. And there's something so intensely demoralising about very nearly getting to the bottom of the list of things that need to be dealt with, refreshing the inbox, and suddenly having it spring back up to 104. It is, in fact, an endless task. I want to feel like I'm achieving something in the work I do, and this is just - just for another few weeks. I am calm.
Girl at work admired me for being reasonably open about my sexuality, today. I mean, I'm not an activist and I don't think I ever will be, just - if it comes up, I'll be honest. The more people who treat it like it's an every day thing, the better, in my opinion. And it's not as though I've a healthy attitude towards the whole sex thing, not even remotely; if I get the impression that someone likes me I will generally do everything in my power to change their minds without even thinking about it. One of these days I'm sure I'll get over that, and one of these days I will be able to view other people as able to react maturely. In the back of my head I'm still convinced that if I let on that I like someone they'll laugh at me, or never speak to me again, or possibly steal my action man. You know?
In all honesty I am very very tired of not having someone to snuggle with. I'm very tired of convincing myself and the world that I'm repellant. And I'm tired of being emotionally stunted.
I'm sure I'll work it out eventually, I'm just really not sure how.
It has been a Day. I'm moving on to the more complicated procedures, the ones that take longer, so it looks an awful lot like my productivity has gone down. And there's something so intensely demoralising about very nearly getting to the bottom of the list of things that need to be dealt with, refreshing the inbox, and suddenly having it spring back up to 104. It is, in fact, an endless task. I want to feel like I'm achieving something in the work I do, and this is just - just for another few weeks. I am calm.
Girl at work admired me for being reasonably open about my sexuality, today. I mean, I'm not an activist and I don't think I ever will be, just - if it comes up, I'll be honest. The more people who treat it like it's an every day thing, the better, in my opinion. And it's not as though I've a healthy attitude towards the whole sex thing, not even remotely; if I get the impression that someone likes me I will generally do everything in my power to change their minds without even thinking about it. One of these days I'm sure I'll get over that, and one of these days I will be able to view other people as able to react maturely. In the back of my head I'm still convinced that if I let on that I like someone they'll laugh at me, or never speak to me again, or possibly steal my action man. You know?
In all honesty I am very very tired of not having someone to snuggle with. I'm very tired of convincing myself and the world that I'm repellant. And I'm tired of being emotionally stunted.
I'm sure I'll work it out eventually, I'm just really not sure how.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-05-17 03:18 pm (UTC)FWIW you will have to try harder than that to convince *me*.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-17 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-17 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-17 05:05 pm (UTC)*nods*
no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 04:23 am (UTC)