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Jul. 2nd, 2006 09:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyIt's nice here in America. They have all these brands of food that I've only ever heard about, and I'm inordinately excited by the presence of 7-11's. There are three cats here and I keep getting randomly exfoliated by Benjy's tongue, which is interesting, and (OMG) there's a pool. Everything is big and airconditioned and it's all so shiny, I feel like an idiot running around gaping at things but I ain't gonna stop - people who are too cool to enjoy things must have very sad lives, I think.
ANYWAY!
So I came up with this theory which explains the English and American general attitudes towards life, which I thought it was important to explain to you. I call it the Poo Theory.
American toilets, see, are significantly deeper than English toilets. And by deeper I mean the volume of water - the distance between the surface of the water and the rim of the bowl is considerably less. This makes more sense as far as dogs drinking from toilet bowls goes - I've always vaguely wondered how they managed that.
That's faintly irrelevant.
Because there is such an increased distance between the rim of the bowl and the surface of the water, taking a crap in England is a much louder process than on this side of the pond. It makes for a much larger splash, and therefore there is the chance that someone will overhear.
Therefore! The English feel as though they should always be apologising for the fact that you may have heard them doing a poo, and they transfer this to everyday life and are polite and apologetic and self-deprecating.
Americans, on the other hand, go through life secure in the knowledge that no one has inadvertently heard them taking a crap, and therefore they feel no need to apologise to anyone and can TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!
In conclusion, then, if we lowered the water levels in the White House toilets by about half, George Bush would be a hell of a lot easier to deal with.
...aren't you glad you have me friended? All the philosophical discussion!
ANYWAY!
So I came up with this theory which explains the English and American general attitudes towards life, which I thought it was important to explain to you. I call it the Poo Theory.
American toilets, see, are significantly deeper than English toilets. And by deeper I mean the volume of water - the distance between the surface of the water and the rim of the bowl is considerably less. This makes more sense as far as dogs drinking from toilet bowls goes - I've always vaguely wondered how they managed that.
That's faintly irrelevant.
Because there is such an increased distance between the rim of the bowl and the surface of the water, taking a crap in England is a much louder process than on this side of the pond. It makes for a much larger splash, and therefore there is the chance that someone will overhear.
Therefore! The English feel as though they should always be apologising for the fact that you may have heard them doing a poo, and they transfer this to everyday life and are polite and apologetic and self-deprecating.
Americans, on the other hand, go through life secure in the knowledge that no one has inadvertently heard them taking a crap, and therefore they feel no need to apologise to anyone and can TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!
In conclusion, then, if we lowered the water levels in the White House toilets by about half, George Bush would be a hell of a lot easier to deal with.
...aren't you glad you have me friended? All the philosophical discussion!
