Reasons John Sheppard is not a ninja

[nny]

#3405: Too much hair sproing.

#3406: 'The Kung Fu of Eyebrows' is not a martial art.

#3407: If John Sheppard had REAL, Ultimate Power he'd be the man, and then who'd he rail against?

#3408: You kind of need to be able to break sticks over your knee.

#3409: Ninjas do not make light saber noises with their weapons. Ever.

#3410: Naming enemies leads to attachment. Attachment leads to fear. Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to - no. Hang on...

#3411: Too much Star Wars.

#3412: (thanks to coffeestudies) He doesn't fly from roof to roof, he flies FROM PLANET TO PLANET!



I could so go on, here, but I have to get breakfast. I TOTALLY WANT CONTRIBUTIONS!

Comments

[taste-is-sweet.livejournal.com]

#3413: Even though he really does look totally awesome in black, he is obviously a pirate, not a ninja. And pirates hate ninjas.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

And even though spacemen is in a whole different category with cavemen, Rodney keeps insisting he's a spaceman and totally riding roughshod over any objections.

[lucythedragon.livejournal.com]

Greatest meta ever.

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

John Sheppard has flown a space ship. A ship is what a pirate pilots. Ergo, John Sheppard cannot be a ninja.

[book-people.livejournal.com]

*delurks to add to the shiny*

If John Sheppard was forced to go around with a black mask covering his face, it would be a tragedy beyond imagining.

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

But those sticks are exactly the right length and heft to pretend they're lightsabers! No fair!

[cadencecascade.livejournal.com]

Ninjas do not pout.

A real ninja wouldn't be able to deal with Rodney.

Ferris Wheels are not a ninja's favorite thing.

Ninja's generally go for stealth, not draping themselves almost indecently over random undeserving furniture.

Ninjas actually GET the girl.

It has been my experience that ninja's rarely play golf. Or watch Back to the Future, for the LULZ values of Rodney's reactions.

Ninjas do not whine "Raawdnie" when they're not getting their way. This is totally a rule.

Also, John cannot keep a straight face when it's time to deliver his exit line, "I look forward to killing you soon."

(ok, one where John has something in common with a Ninja: Both John and any random ninja are afraid of offending Teyla, because a. she could kill them in three seconds with STICKS, and b. because she might cry, and crying Teyla is more than any Lt Col-who-may-or-may-not-be-but-probably-isn't-a-ninja should have to deal with. EVER.)

[cadencecascade.livejournal.com]

It'd be a bad way to go you know.

I can just see Dave Sheppard getting the notice that Lt. Col. John Sheppard was killing in the line of duty.

And Dave would think John went out saving the world or some such thing when the reality is that John said the wrong thing at the wrong time and didn't shut up and apologize and got beat to death with a stick.

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I'm too busy laughing my ass off to contribute! :D SO TRUE OMG.

[looking4tarzan.livejournal.com]

BWHAHAHAHAHA

Knees should not creak?

Black is not the best colour, grey is better for night stealth (not that I know that honest...not like I know desert camo works in woodland *whistles*