nny | (no subject)

My financial situation, at present, is the worst it's been in a while, but everything else is actually going pretty well.

The thing is, I feel the need to be productive. I dislike days in which I do nothing of use, but I find it difficult to be productive when I'm depressed, which makes me more depressed, which makes me less productive. It's a vicious circle I've been toddling around for a while, now.

Recently, though, I've taken up knitting. I'm not good at it yet, but I've no need to be, and there's something marvellously zen about it. It calms me, and allows me productivity without having to think about it, so I can feel less guilty about getting distracted by - tonight, for instance - the finale of Merlin, and the Piano. It's actually the same sort of feeling I've been getting from drawing. I'll never be an artist - if you've ever seen my Aziraphale you'll know that - but it makes me happy in a way that's free of pressure and expectation. My drawings are rather like colouring book illustrations, with simple themes and blocky 2D designs, but they make me happy and they allow me to feel as though I've achieved something.

I need to get to the same place with my writing, but I've not worked out how, yet. Probably the answer is to write purely for myself for a while at least, but I don't like the idea of deliberately not posting. (As opposed to not posting through crapness with self-recrimination? It's probably a good idea, even if I don't like it.)

Until then, at least there're a couple of things that are making me happy and - more importantly - peaceful.

Oh, and on another point entirely, those who've sent me emails lately, I will get back to you in the morning. I could do with getting some sleep, just now.

♥