(no subject)

[nny]

If the internet doesn't stop asking me about my relative attractiveness, offering advice on how to 'get him back', offering to teach me how to kiss and offering to increase the size of my wang I swear to god I will KILL THINGS.

I will think about sex and/or sexiness in the manner of MY CHOOSING, universe, and if that happens to be distanced from myself and in the shape of a certain flyboy and scientist (or a mountie and his rumply cop buddy) that is NO BUSINESS OF YOURS.

Some days it feels like the world is my crazy marriage cult.

>:(

Comments

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

Apparently "She is heartbroken when you don't climax". Oh internet, stop filling my inbox with nonsense.

[innocentsmith.livejournal.com]

Elbert McCoy wants me to "Upgrade [my] Man power now!" and Alair Adkins informs me that "People Laugh At [Me]": "At last you've found a lass that's hot - " further than that Gmail won't go without clicking. It's a good start for a limerick, maybe?

I don't know, I mainly look on spam as a good way to collect names for fictional characters. On one page here I've got Floretta Tish, Mickey Blount, Agammenon Bennett, and Sophinisba Wa. Sophinisba Wa, seriously. You can't get that kind of inspiration from baby name sites or the telephone book, you know?

However, I am very pleased to hear that you're conceptualizing sexiness in mountie/cop shapes. ^_^

[odditycollector.livejournal.com]

offering advice on how to 'get him back'
Are you sure they do not just want to help you with your vengeance plans?

[darsynia.livejournal.com]

It is a crazy marriage cult, and it doesn't stop even if you get married! Then it's a crazy baby cult--and even THAT doesn't stop, because then it's a crazy sibling cult. Then, somehow, if you have THREE children, you're Doing It Wrong, because SOMEONE has to be the middle child, and all their e-mails and pushy ads and nosy questions that they worked so hard on were wasted on you because you were selfish/stupid/other demeaning s-words.

I sometimes just want to stab things when I think about this subject, but mostly I just want to hug you. *hugs*

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

It is a crazy marriage cult, and it doesn't stop even if you get married!

The Feminine Mystique is still with us.

And ugh, spam hate.

[fer-de-lance.livejournal.com]

Hey, how come I never get offers for kissing lessons?
All I get are INCREASE++YOURE++WANG! offers, usually under the heading of "impress her" or "win her back", and offers of illegal pharmaceuticals (yeah, I really wanna trust my arteries to Illegal Internet Lipitor!)...

I feel jealous now, like the internet has a crush on you -- you get more interesting spam. :D