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May. 30th, 2009 12:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnySome days I just think I should give up pretending I have a brain and just read all the same books over and over again until I die. WAH STOP MAKING ME THINK!
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is kind of... enlightening and weirding at the same time. Like, it's fascinating to see the way that the low self esteem works drawn out neatly into a vicious circle for you, and to draw out your own and see that oh look, there's where the trigger is, and that's why your mood has been so bad even though you thought you were kind of unaffected by it, and here's why you currently have no motivation and aren't really doing anything. At the same time there's a certain level of protest; NO AM SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE MY BRAIN DO NOT WORK IN WRITTEN DOWN WAYS! It's not humbling exactly, because that would indicate a certain level of self esteem which I obviously don't have. It just... feels odd that it's mappable. Like, I work hard at this specific thing and I will feel better. I already do. I regard straight lines in my brain with suspicion, I can't help it. I'm kind of waiting for the stumbling block, and that's preventing me from making more progress, and oh yes that fits in on the vicious circle over here and that's just WEIRD, okay?
I am disgruntled.
I need to get some work done for the week but I slept massively crappively last night, so I think a small nap is in order. And then I'm gonna go camp out in the garden some more and tan my little white leggies while I work on my sanity levels.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is kind of... enlightening and weirding at the same time. Like, it's fascinating to see the way that the low self esteem works drawn out neatly into a vicious circle for you, and to draw out your own and see that oh look, there's where the trigger is, and that's why your mood has been so bad even though you thought you were kind of unaffected by it, and here's why you currently have no motivation and aren't really doing anything. At the same time there's a certain level of protest; NO AM SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE MY BRAIN DO NOT WORK IN WRITTEN DOWN WAYS! It's not humbling exactly, because that would indicate a certain level of self esteem which I obviously don't have. It just... feels odd that it's mappable. Like, I work hard at this specific thing and I will feel better. I already do. I regard straight lines in my brain with suspicion, I can't help it. I'm kind of waiting for the stumbling block, and that's preventing me from making more progress, and oh yes that fits in on the vicious circle over here and that's just WEIRD, okay?
I am disgruntled.
I need to get some work done for the week but I slept massively crappively last night, so I think a small nap is in order. And then I'm gonna go camp out in the garden some more and tan my little white leggies while I work on my sanity levels.
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-30 01:02 pm (UTC)I wrote you some Bones and Scotty, only a snippet, but I think its ok-ish.
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Date: 2009-05-30 04:50 pm (UTC)