(no subject)
Aug. 30th, 2009 09:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnySELF INDULGENT WARNINGS OF SELF INDULGENT WHININGS!
I had not noticed how badly I'd failed at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
cliche_bingo. Oops? I'm still totally going to work through my card, just not for the challenge. I've kind of lost the tight grip I had on my life for a while there; I was almost organised, a little, sort of, and now I'm just achieving absolutely nothing again. It's always hard to push myself back into it again, moments like this - it's just hard to convince myself that it's worth it, when I kind of... I get to a certain point of achieving things, and it's such hard work and takes so much energy (sometimes just to get out of bed in the morning), and I pat myself on the back and then think... wait. Wait, hang on, does this mean I have to work so damned hard every day now? For the rest of my life? That kinda slingshots me back into the depression thing, which means that the next time, hey! Just as much hard work just to get me back to where I started! Except with a couple more bills/overdrafts/jobs that need doing because of what I neglected due to feeling like/being crap.
Makes me tired.
Ah well; I shall tie on me walking boots and traverse the latest speed bump. At least I'm getting better at seeing the paths forward.
/SELF INDULGENCE
I will make myself a comprehensive to-do list for tomorrow and attempt to get myself more than usually sorted for work on Tuesday, although I am glad that we have at least one INSET day before getting back into it with the students. Mostly I need to find a means of organising myself that my brain works within. I have a tendency to convince myself that I can achieve better living through stationery, when it's actually the structure of my thoughts that needs realigning. But I WILL SUCCEED! I just need to stop attacking the problems in such a fuzzy way.
Had a mental image of wrapping myself in socks and flinging myself at a brick wall, then. Problems remain, but at least now I'm giggling. :D
I had not noticed how badly I'd failed at
cliche_bingo. Oops? I'm still totally going to work through my card, just not for the challenge. I've kind of lost the tight grip I had on my life for a while there; I was almost organised, a little, sort of, and now I'm just achieving absolutely nothing again. It's always hard to push myself back into it again, moments like this - it's just hard to convince myself that it's worth it, when I kind of... I get to a certain point of achieving things, and it's such hard work and takes so much energy (sometimes just to get out of bed in the morning), and I pat myself on the back and then think... wait. Wait, hang on, does this mean I have to work so damned hard every day now? For the rest of my life? That kinda slingshots me back into the depression thing, which means that the next time, hey! Just as much hard work just to get me back to where I started! Except with a couple more bills/overdrafts/jobs that need doing because of what I neglected due to feeling like/being crap. Makes me tired.
Ah well; I shall tie on me walking boots and traverse the latest speed bump. At least I'm getting better at seeing the paths forward.
/SELF INDULGENCE
I will make myself a comprehensive to-do list for tomorrow and attempt to get myself more than usually sorted for work on Tuesday, although I am glad that we have at least one INSET day before getting back into it with the students. Mostly I need to find a means of organising myself that my brain works within. I have a tendency to convince myself that I can achieve better living through stationery, when it's actually the structure of my thoughts that needs realigning. But I WILL SUCCEED! I just need to stop attacking the problems in such a fuzzy way.
Had a mental image of wrapping myself in socks and flinging myself at a brick wall, then. Problems remain, but at least now I'm giggling. :D
