(no subject)

[nny]

I'm getting sick enough of myself and the way that I interact with the world that I feel like I should just delete my livejournal. I'm feeling like an epic depiction of fail. Getting sick of saying nothing that means anything.

:/

Comments

[kerri]

*hugshugshugs* I know I'd miss your entries and presence on my flist if you deleted your journal. I don't know if it'll help, but this place is for you, right? You don't have to say meaningful things for the rest of us. ♥

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

And I guess. I dunno, I feel like I ought to be presenting/representing myself better? My journal is very, very me, which I guess is no bad thing except for the times where I really don't like myself, and those're getting more frequent again. I feel like I ought to be putting more thought into it, or at least showing that I can think. XD

[kerri]

I totally get where you are coming from. I think it's easy to feel sometimes that LJ should be a place where we are always funny/intelligent/passionate/admireable... But really, it's a journal. You should feel free to just be yourself, here. <3

[ladycat777.livejournal.com]

You say lots of things that mean a very great deal. You're just sick and miserable, love. Makes anyone feel awful.

*hugs*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're probably right. I kinda forget that the physical has an effect on the mental, and just sort of assume that I'm right in thinking myself so crap.

I am pretty crap, though. Off and on.

[catwalksalone]

Oh, honey. *squishes tight* First, not everything has to have meaning, it's enough for us to know you're there. Second, you've been sick for a good while now, feeling like this isn't at all surprising. You need to take care of yourself, 'k? And that means letting us (weird, virtual people that we are) help take care of you, 'k? 'K.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

You're a sweetheart, and I thank you hugely for it. I tend to forget to take physical health into account when I'm examining my thought processes, which is kind of an oversight. I R CLEVAR. And you're right, not everything has to have meaning, but sometimes I feel roughly as shallow as a mirror.

[torakowalski.livejournal.com]

*huggles you*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetheart.

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

I'd seriously suggest not doing that, because it'll just add to your stress levels (in the same way that moving house or divorce or changing jobs add to stress)

What you could do is create a filter of non-annoying people (to read), set up a posting schedule for yourself with rules about what you can discuss and how often, create a tiny posting filter to talk about the more serious things, and then...set up something like an offline activity schedule (and when I say "activity," I mean anything up to and including standing by an open window and breathing outside air for five minutes or reading a single sonnnet from a book or trying out a weird variety of tea or something equally non-taxing. Just a few ideas to change the way you interact with the world (but not to change you!)

[villainny.livejournal.com]

You make a lot of sense, thank you. I've been considering setting up more guidelines for myself with posting, but I doubt I'd stick by them. I'd just like this journal to be worth a little more than just random nonsense that I think. I don't feel like I'm contributing anything that hasn't been phrased better in a million different places, and I find myself waiting for people to notice and unfriend me. I'm supposed to be too old for this emo crap by now. XD

[forest-rose.livejournal.com]

I would miss you very much if you decided to do that *squishes*. I added you in the first place because I liked your funny, insightful posts, and that hasn't changed. If you need to take a break for a while, of course that's fine, but you don't need to delete your lj to do that!

Either way, I hope you'll stay in touch xxx

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetheart. You're always so supportive, and I appreciate it hugely.

[ignescent.livejournal.com]

I'm totally a lurker, but I like seeing your posts. But I get wanting to distance yourself from an out-of-date or not-how-I-want-to-be journal. (that's why this is my second journal incarnation. I ditched the first one because I didn't like how I acted on it.) So, I'd be sad if you vanished, but I'm not going to protest.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the support and affirmation, love. I appreciate it hugely.

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

You absolutely don't need to say stuff that Officially Means Something for you to be valuable and worth sticking around. Jesus, how often do even geniuses say things that are truly meaningful? Hardly ever. Doesn't mean they, and all the non-geniuses, are worthless. You count, honey.

And good luck. *cuddle*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

You are a sweetheart. But I just... I post too often and too repetitively, and I think maybe I need to limit myself, even if it's just cutting down to one post a day rather than vomiting my brains through my fingers every five seconds.

...woah. There's a visual for ya.

[skygiants]

*hugs you epically*

If you went, you would be super missed.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

*SQUISHES*

You are a darlin'.

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

I would miss you very very much if you deleted your LJ. It makes me sad to see you so down on yourself, when you are one of the funniest, most interesting people around. Treat yourself gently, take it easy.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

You are far sweeter than I deserve, thank you so much! You're right about taking it easy, though - I really need to take physical health into account when I feel like this.

[lamardeuse.livejournal.com]

*clings to your leg*

*sends you Bradley in makeup and sparkly frock*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

*SQUISHES YOU*

That is an awesome mental image, right there. :D

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

*MIBBLE*

You would be missed! Even the little things are important. Take care of yourself.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Thank you, darlin'.

[spiderine.livejournal.com]

Please don't leave LJ! I read your posts and I'd miss you if you go! *clings*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

I'd miss you if I went, too. I think you're awesome.

[in-the-blue.livejournal.com]

HEY NNY DON'T DO IT! I like seeing the posts you think are saying nothing. But hell, sistah, they're more meaningful than 99% of the shit I see in the rest of the world and besides, it's the only way I still get to stay in touch with you, minimal as that is.

*flip side now*

I get it about feeling so crappy that you don't want a record of it. So if you do want to delete it, well, it's your journal and you can do whatever you want with it.

*flip side again*

I think you say more than you think you say, if that makes any sense at all.

(Clearly, I am no help on this matter.)

[villainny.livejournal.com]

*squashes you*

Thanks so much for this comment. This is the one that most made me hold my horses and decide that I'd wait until I was actually healthy to make a decision, y'know? You're consistently awesome, thank you.

[in-the-blue.livejournal.com]

See, and I think I'm consistently a pain in the ass. So we all have our self-perceptions to deal with, right? I could tell you I so hesitated about journaling, and you probably know I go back and forth on keeping stuff locked and making things wide open. I know I could comment more, but I always read. I think what matters most to me at the end of the day is just knowing I have a really nice little community out here in my corner of the web, and that's what my journal's come to represent to me more than anything. It's not a popularity contest for me, not with myself and not against anyone else. And for as long as I can stand it I'll keep doing it, because it's filling some need somewhere along the line.

I noticed above you said something about barfing out all your thoughts through your fingertips. If you step back and look at the bigger picture, can you ask yourself what's wrong with that? My own answer to that is absolutely nothing. Sometimes I write entries and delete them later. I just needed to get whatever it was out of my system, or get it more into my system by writing about it. Personally I'd miss the outlet if I ditched it.

Whatever you eventually decide, I suspect people out here will still have so much love for you. It'll just be harder for us to show you if the journal goes away, but we're a creative bunch and we'll find a way.

(Also, completely unrelated, I find it highly amusing that LJ's own spellcheck doesn't recognize "journaling.")

[silveraspen]

*points up and down at what in_the_blue said*

[fer-de-lance.livejournal.com]

No no no no no no no no! Stay here! Even if you're feeling blah, I'd miss you if you went away!

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Thank you for saying so. :)

[mashimero.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could set your journal to private instead? So you could easily come back if you decide to. But I'm hoping you don't because then I'd really miss you.

:(

[villainny.livejournal.com]

It's a good idea. I've not decided what I'm going to do yet - I think my whole life needs a bit of an overhaul, specifically where I relate to other people, and I haven't quite decided how livejournal fits into that yet. But even if I do disappear, I'll do my best to keep up with you guys. :)

[pennyplainknits.livejournal.com]

You must do what you must for your own peace of mind, but I can say that you would be very much missed. And I would also say that, it's your journal. There is no pressure to perform all the time! If you worry you are spending too much time on lj, maybe try and restrict yourself to posting once a day?

*hug*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think mostly it's my constant need for validation that really needs changing. It's not healthy and not doing me any good, so I think I need to change the way I relate to livejournal but I'm not sure how yet. I'm working on it.

[chkc.livejournal.com]

Whatever you decide, I respect your decision. You should do whatever you are most comfortable with. *hugs* On the other hand, what I really feel like doing is this:

*tugs on your shirt-tails*

I will miss you terribly if you do delete your journal. D: This journal is your personal space. You don't have to only say Deep and Meaningful things just for the sake of your readers.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

That's the most incredibly adorable chibi I think you've ever done, and that's saying something. :D Thank you, sweetheart; I'm pretty sure I'm not going to delete my journal, I think I just need to reformat how I use it. Not sure how yet; I'm working on it.

[batyatoon]

Don't goooo. *clings*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Promise not to goo. :D