nny | (no subject)

I have a whole folder called claustrophobia with so many different files in, it's kind of ridiculous. I'm fine with small spaces, lifts; the tight feeling in my chest happens more when I can't do something I should. When my feet are in shoes too small and I can't spread my toes out, which then branches out into any time my toes are touching, on bad days, and I have to anchor my toes in carpet to stop from going mad. When an elastic band ball looks like you should be able to compress it a little in your hand but you can't. When legs get caught in bed sheets, when the internet slows down to the point of absurdity, when I'm walking under something with my head bent. I get the fast-scared pain in my chest and a tight aching feeling in whichever muscles can't do what I want them to, like they need to lash out fast and kick or punch or strain against the bone until it breaks against them. I get the same feeling sometimes from emotions; when I don't know the right words or can't find them, when I'm frustrated with people or what I can't do to help them, when I'm constrained into politeness and agreeing and nodding again and again.

Aaaand this post is making me claustrophobic - even though I know it's not the right word for it - and I have to go walk it off.