(no subject)

[nny]

I do know that I don't have to define success by anyone else's strictures, and I do know that success isn't necessarily a relationship or a house or a car or a proximate group of friends or a decent amount of savings or or or...

I'm running out of ways to define success in a way that I fit into, is all. I have to endlessly redefine it to pretend it applies.

I'm thirty one years old and I have very very little to show for it, is the thing. It's kind of getting to me at the moment.

Comments

[petra]

This struck a chord with me. I've been doing a lot of mental work on learning how to feel like what I've done is good enough, and part of that is letting myself redefine my win conditions. Constantly.

Just because today's win condition isn't the same as yesterday's doesn't mean it's wrong, or lesser, or worse. Today's challenges aren't the same as yesterday's.

And I know that it's a million times easier to say this than it is to internalize it.

[nny]

I really appreciate this comment, seriously. Thank you.

I just... I hate having to break it down to that level of granularity, y'know? I feel like I'm self justifying, rather than actually achieving things of any worth.

But that's the problem, isn't it? The idea of 'worth' being something external that gets decided from the outside in, when the problem is with my assessment system - which is, obviously and always, far harsher applied to myself than to anyone else.

*rolls eyes*

Yeah. I'm working on the internalising. But thanks so much for sharing. <3

[petra]

I don't know why it is hard to be as kind to myself as I would be to a friend undergoing precisely what I am, but it sure as hell is.

As for granularity, I find extensio ad absurdum helps as a starting point. Nobody can cure cancer and AIDS, fly to Mars, bring global peace and equality, and write the Great $NATIONALITY Novel on the same day. Even the greatest people have to build up to these things, step by step, and try to find satisfaction in the fiftieth set of petri dishes. Whatever your goal is, if you're making progress towards it (even if sometimes that means 'regaining your strength so you can work tomorrow'), you deserve to feel good about it.

You can tell your brainweasels I said so, and I am the conqueror--or at least the survivor--of many brainweasel battles. I know whereof I speak, and I wish you the very best in your struggles.