nny | (no subject)

Have been very absent lately, it's been kind of a crappy month because it's been very much all deadlines, all the time. I'm one off finishing now, though, and now I have to start thinking about what comes next. (Aside from my dissertation, of course, which also needs thought and focus).

I have a few tasks in mind for the next week. I want to choose a couple of long-term goals to work towards, and plot out steps to get there, and I want to decide where I want to live. I think it's really important that I do this, because my job search process is usually just that I apply for anything I think I can do without any regard for where it is, who it's near, what I'll be doing.

I am so ready to invest, now, and that's something that's been scary for the longest time. I'm ready for a consciousness that I'm working towards specific things, and going into work and forming relationships and pushing myself and focusing with that in mind. Not my usual half-focused lack of substantiality. (I was expecting a red wiggly there. Is that really a word?)

I drink out of water bottles because I don't have my own glasses, and I don't have anywhere to put my apples. A fruit bowl is such a specific sort of thing, a thing that needs a home for it to go in, a thing that doesn't really much serve a purpose as anything else. In my head, a fruit bowl has been this long-term symbol of adulthood and settling.

I'm just about ready to stop denying the fruit bowl.