(no subject)

[nny]

Dilemma.

So I started taking anti depressants again. And it's... shit, man, it's weird not having this baseline of anxious and viciously reflexive self hatred. Good weird. It's kind of amazing to have this level of clarity and self worth. There were some initial problems with, like, dulled sexual sensitivity, and it took a while to become the master debater I prefer to be, but that's better, if not fixed.

Problem - it's removed my sense of urgency, and it's removed any inclination to write. It hasn't stopped me coming up with stories entirely, there's this awesome Merlin AU that's poking me, but there is absolutely nothing aside from a wry detached sense that people will probably forget about me entirely if I don't bother, but that's okay.

It's not just fiction, I've also stopped writing in my journal, posting here, doing morning pages, updating Facebook... I guess it doesn't say much good about where I've rooted my writing, habitually.

I don't know. I don't know. Decisions.

In other news I'm applying for jobs again, I have a line of tabs a mile long. I hate moving.

Oh! And I finished my dissertation! Did I ever mention that? I finished my dissertation. It hasn't been marked yet but I'm assuming no matter how bad my dissertation is it can't drag my high-60s average down below 50 and therefore I will soon have an MSc.

So that's nice.

Comments

[siegeofangels]

<3 congrats on your dissertation! And hugs for meds adjustments. I'm glad you're feeling less anxiety. Do you have a check-in appt scheduled with your doctor? That might be a good time to bring up those concerns.

[pennyplainknits]

There are quite a few anti depressants available- it might be worth discussing this with your GP to see if a different one will have less of a depressive effect on your creativity?

[in_the_blue]

Regardless of what you write or where you write it (or don't), you are a lovely and wonderful human being and I very much adore you. My day is always better when you pop up in it.

Just saying.

[vivien]

I've known that lack of inspiration in association with meds. It's disconcerting, but it does eventually even out, in my experience, at least. I hope things feel better all the way around soon!

[soupytwist]

I love you lady. And I think you will find a way - if it doesn't even out by itself then maybe a different dose, a different medication, will do it. But I also really, really believe that your mental health is valuable in and of itself. You are worth that, bb! And I am so glad for you that you've found something to give you some relief. *hugs you so much*