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Mar. 10th, 2015 03:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyI still feel a bit crappy after my surgery, I feel like I'm constantly running a slight temperature and my stomach is deeply unhappy with its existence, so I've made a doctors appointment for Thursday. While I'm there I'm going to talk anti-depressants again, I think.
A lot of the time I fool myself that I'm absolutely fine, but the pecarious nature of that 'fine' is kind of an issue. What I mean is I'm fine while I've got a routine and while I hold absolutely no expectations for myself; as soon as there's a holiday, or PMT, or a deadline, or anything remotely related to creativity, I fall to pieces in a heartbeat.
ION: I've been thinking about apologies, lately. About how part of growing up is acknowledging and accepting your screw ups and apologising for them, and moving on; also about how sometimes apologies cannot or should not be made - because the realisation came too late, because it would just make things worse, because the other person doesn't want to hear it from you. And that's important too - accepting that sometimes you don't get to make yourself feel better (through apology or public self-flagellation, whatever). Sometimes I'm a douche canoe - through ignorance rather than malice, but it's just as bad - and sometimes I don't get to atone for that. Sometimes people are going to just think I'm a douche canoe. And all I can do about it is be better next time.
It sucks, but it's important to know.
A lot of the time I fool myself that I'm absolutely fine, but the pecarious nature of that 'fine' is kind of an issue. What I mean is I'm fine while I've got a routine and while I hold absolutely no expectations for myself; as soon as there's a holiday, or PMT, or a deadline, or anything remotely related to creativity, I fall to pieces in a heartbeat.
ION: I've been thinking about apologies, lately. About how part of growing up is acknowledging and accepting your screw ups and apologising for them, and moving on; also about how sometimes apologies cannot or should not be made - because the realisation came too late, because it would just make things worse, because the other person doesn't want to hear it from you. And that's important too - accepting that sometimes you don't get to make yourself feel better (through apology or public self-flagellation, whatever). Sometimes I'm a douche canoe - through ignorance rather than malice, but it's just as bad - and sometimes I don't get to atone for that. Sometimes people are going to just think I'm a douche canoe. And all I can do about it is be better next time.
It sucks, but it's important to know.
