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Nov. 15th, 2015 07:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyHello people. I've rather missed you.
Things are changing precisely not at all in my life just now, which is honestly one of the most terrifying things I've experienced in a while. I am choosing to stick in my current job, and not apply for anything new and exciting, and not look longingly at different towns, and not decide to move for the hell of it. Everything I now do, unlike practically every previous place I've been, has Consequences.
My dreams are reflecting this horror appropriately.
I'm in counseling, which is already unnerving after only two weeks. I have written down some long term goals, and my counselor has been nice enough to set me a goal for the week, as i do better with concrete things to achieve.
"But I won't judge you," he said, "if you don't achieve it," thereby removing all the point of goals, which is to use them to berate myself, and to make up pretty excuses that soothe my conscience. But those realisations are helpful, I guess?
I think this will be helpful, and I think it's going to suck.
I think it will be worth it, though, if I get to stay still. It would appear the constant moving in the past ten years wasn't so much a 'to' as a 'from', and I don't want to from any more. I'm tired, and old, and I've set up a google alert for a row of cottages I've decided I want to dwell within. Maybe next month I'll start saving.
There's more I should probably say, but instead I will have a yogurt and make a list of people who I'll buy presents for this Christmas. And possibly knit some scarf, and watch Person of Interest.
Boston pictures will appear when I open the manual to my camera, so. Possibly next year.
Oh, and since it's practically almost December, already, and December is the season of cards, I will screen replies in case anyone wants to receive one - drop me your address and I'll see what I can do. It's enough warning I might just manage it.
Things are changing precisely not at all in my life just now, which is honestly one of the most terrifying things I've experienced in a while. I am choosing to stick in my current job, and not apply for anything new and exciting, and not look longingly at different towns, and not decide to move for the hell of it. Everything I now do, unlike practically every previous place I've been, has Consequences.
My dreams are reflecting this horror appropriately.
I'm in counseling, which is already unnerving after only two weeks. I have written down some long term goals, and my counselor has been nice enough to set me a goal for the week, as i do better with concrete things to achieve.
"But I won't judge you," he said, "if you don't achieve it," thereby removing all the point of goals, which is to use them to berate myself, and to make up pretty excuses that soothe my conscience. But those realisations are helpful, I guess?
I think this will be helpful, and I think it's going to suck.
I think it will be worth it, though, if I get to stay still. It would appear the constant moving in the past ten years wasn't so much a 'to' as a 'from', and I don't want to from any more. I'm tired, and old, and I've set up a google alert for a row of cottages I've decided I want to dwell within. Maybe next month I'll start saving.
There's more I should probably say, but instead I will have a yogurt and make a list of people who I'll buy presents for this Christmas. And possibly knit some scarf, and watch Person of Interest.
Boston pictures will appear when I open the manual to my camera, so. Possibly next year.
Oh, and since it's practically almost December, already, and December is the season of cards, I will screen replies in case anyone wants to receive one - drop me your address and I'll see what I can do. It's enough warning I might just manage it.
