Snooooooowflaaaaake

[nny]

Day 2

In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your wish-list if you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe someone will grant a wish. Check out other people's posts. Maybe you will grant a wish. If any wishes are granted, we'd love it if you link them to this post.

Oooooooh. OOOOOOOOOOoooooooooh.

I would like:

1) Domestic John/Finch fic. I mean, they've already kidnapped a baby together and adopted a dog, what more do you want? There's seriously a deplorable lack of domestic fic that I've been able to find, and a) they deserve all the lovely warm safe scenarios in the universe, b) I want to WATCH THEM FAIL. Oh man. They would just be so horrible at it. The baby had a grenade.

2) Recs of active fandom comms that I can contribute to. Maybe multi-fannish? Fic prompty? ANYTHING PERSON OF INTEREST?

3) Someone who's willing to beta my stuff, or take a look at my older stuff and just... tell me what I'm screwing up? I'm clearly screwing something up. XD

(this is not in any way a criticism of previous volunteers, who have been wonderful and gracious and I appreciate them so much! I'm just... I hate asking. I don't feel like my little bits are even worth the effort, frankly, so it's hard to request.)

I think I'll have a poke around the list and see if there's anything I can fill today, since my ability to write without prompting is approximately zero today. Too long at work, I think.

Comments

[runpunkrun]

2) fancake's pretty active. It's a multi-fandom recs community with a monthly theme, and anybody can contribute.

3) What fandoms are you writing in these days? If it's POI, I'm no help to you, since all I know about it is they have a dog, a computer, Fred from Angel, and apparently a baby with a hand grenade.

[nny]

I'm already a member of fancake, but thanks for the rec! I really should participate more actively, it's such a great resource.

As to my writing... I've nothing completed at the moment anyway, but yes I am currently writing for POI - plus the unfinished Sherlock/dueSouth crossover that I will someday finish. XD If you have five minutes, though, I'm nny on AO3 and I have a number of things that'd take five minutes to read - I'd appreciate any advice/criticism at all, really. No worries at all if not, though! :D

Thanks for the response!

[runpunkrun]

I've never done constructive criticism on a finished piece before! This is a new experience for me.

So I read your H50 story, Filed Away, because I've actually watched a few episodes and know who these dudes are. I haven't seen this particular episode, though, so part of me was struggling to piece together the events this was a response to, but I'm probably not your target audience, so that's not a problem. You put in enough details--and I've watched enough cop shows--that I got the basic drift: family/team in peril, the aftermath. I'm not sure how Danny (metaphorically) lost his family or why names have changed...if that was related to the divorce or something else (wife remarried?), but, again, I'm assuming that's something a viewer would know.

Danny's voice is great--casual but scattered in the wake of his trauma. This is perfect:

Danny stares this time at the side of his head, at the perfect pristine profile that really more people should have taken a pop at, seriously, how has no one yet broken this guy's nose.

Because it's like Danny wants to break his nose, too, but loves him too much, but still thinks about it, but also how pretty is Steve? It's a great moment, and I love the way it's written--the very order of the words is pleasing to me.

I like everything about the juicer commercial and the way it seems at first like the juicer is the one talking to him: A shuffle at the coffee table, a click, the warm friendly voice of what, what is that, some kind of juicer?

Because Danny is messed up right now. That juicer could be talking to him. But it's also nicely stream of consciousness. Just Danny and his thoughts and sometimes the outside world. It only takes a second to realize the TV is on and Danny is seeing things he's not describing.

The thing with Rachel and it being eight years ago and also today obviously refers to some bit of canon I'm not getting. So I can't tell if the transition to the phone is confusing or if it's just me:

"Rachel, Rach," he says, and that's not his voice, that's not what his voice sounds like.

"Danny?" There's something, bustling, rustling, beeping, something disturbing the stillness on her end of the call, and he leans over to grab the remote, switches off the TV so he can hear it better, presses his cell phone a little closer against his ear.

I didn't get that he was on the phone until the second paragraph, and it was still kind of muddled. So maybe you could have planted a clue, like here, in the paragraph before:

He was always too big to fit. Clumsy. He was too loud and out of place, with his gun and his badge and the calluses on his fingers from too many hours on the range. He could never hear past the panicked beating of his heart, had to lean in close until he could feel the warmth of her against his face. One time he woke up Rachel after a night shift, too tired and too crazy to do anything but ask her -

While he's thinking about how he doesn't fit and his hands are too rough, you could stick his cell phone in there as just one more thing he's awkward with, the screen scratched from the many times he's dropped it, and the reader will be set up to have phones on their mind, so when Danny starts talking we'll be ready to know he's on the phone. It won't mess with your stream of conscious style, and I think it'd be a bit more accessible.

And even though I didn't get what Danny was on about with the names changing and the filing at the beginning, it pays off here: But never mind Danny's history with paperwork okay, with filing, his precarious relationship with the English language - there's no misinterpreting when Steve flips the edge of the comforter like that, holds out his hand like the irresistible pull of the ocean waves and what else can Danny do but take it?

It's a wonderful, and unmistakable, invitation. So, speaking as someone who's just read a post-ep for an ep she's never seen, I think it's pretty effective, and Danny's voice is really easy to read and like.

[nny]

You made me make velociraptor sounds with this comment, thank you so much. I think I do sometimes have a tendency to assume too much shared knowledge, to gloss over things that might be better unpacked. This is such incredible (and incredibly generous) feedback, though, thank you so very much for taking the time and making such supportive comments. :D

[runpunkrun]

Velociraptor sounds are the best. I'm so glad you found it helpful. :)

[kiki_eng]

For 2: fan_flashworks, maybe? (All fandoms multi-media flashworks community.)

[nny]

Oh, awesome! That sounds like a fantastic place, I'll check it out, thank you!

[siegeofangels]

I think Dira's doing a MCU flashfic DW comm, it's mcuflashmeme

[nny]

oooh. I may, perhaps, although I'm a little behind with MCU. XD