(no subject)

[nny]

It's so ridiculous, but I feel like I'm in recovery. I don't quite understand the mechanics of it - I don't understand how I was more incapable of coping than the majority - but teaching wrecked me in ways I'm just starting to understand. I bore up under it fine, and I managed, and I was fairly good at my job, but like...

Teaching is job that you can do good in, but it is a job that it is made increasingly difficult to be good at. Especially if you want to do anything else at all. And teaching was never by best girl, that was always going to be writing, so I was good at my job but never ever good enough. It wasn't possible to be, even when I was working my hardest and putting everything into it.

And I guess the feeling of not-good-enough never-good-enough sunk in pretty deep, 'cos I stopped writing too.

And now... my writing isn't any better, necessarily, 'cos practice hasn't been where it should be, but it's more *possible*. I think about/flick through old stories and finishing them and learning from them without self-flagellation becomes possible in a way it hasn't been.

Tl;dr - unemployment is scary but it's doing me better than teaching.

Comments

[catwalksalone]

I don’t think you were less capable of coping than the majority at all. Turnover is currently insane, at least half the teachers I talk to are actively thinking of getting out, TB comes home most days and tells me about someone who’s been crying, or wants to give up and be an LSA instead, or is just standing by the board staring vacantly into space because they have nothing left. And that’s in mostly primary schools where you think the pressure should be less.

The government has made teaching a shitty profession and if it’s not your burning desire and vocation (which it isn’t for so so many), it can feel like it’s swallowing you whole. No wonder you feel like you’re in recovery.

I hope a better fit comes along for you soon, but in the meantime, I’m glad you found writing again. You belong together. ❤️

[genarti]

Yes, this.

[runpunkrun]

<333

[genarti]

<333

I'm so, so glad that the enjoyment and possibility of words is starting to creep back towards you. I'm so glad you're starting to recover, and that getting out of teaching was the right call for you and you could see that clearly enough to make that call. And I don't think it's ridiculous at all.

[naye]

I am very very glad that you got yourself out and that you are recovering, and wish you lots of good energy and time to be creative. You're the best nny. *hugs*

[conuly]

*poke*

I found this via random link hopping. You should know that your image at the top of your journal is being held hostage by Photobucket. Because they're being jerks.

[in_the_blue]

Also, remember that sometimes we have an idea or ideal of how something's going to be. We live with that, and it's what we hope for and really want to attain. But it might not be the thing we thought it was going to be, or it might be that our vision of what we want hasn't shifted along with the way we've grown, or whatever.

Teaching was traumatic for you. Lots of people don't have the stones to get out of situations like that, but you did. That's as much worth celebrating as is going back to writing, which you're excellent at. I have no doubt you were also excellent as a teacher and will be excellent at so many other things moving forward. <3