(no subject)
Sep. 4th, 2004 06:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyAnyone I owe things to? I'm sorry.
This summer I've worked every day, save a week which was hectic and brilliant and I think I haven't made a post about yet. I'm sorry about that. But yeah... despite working six days a week I still haven't made enough to cover my rent. For the past three months. I'm £600 in debt. My parents can't afford to help me out, and because the student loan I get is based on their income last year I will remain screwed. Covering the rent I owe is going to cost me pretty much my entire loan installment... so what happens next month? On top of working six days a week, every other week I will now be working at a bookshop in return for books instead of money, and I'm damned if I'll give that up. I think I'm gonna have to get an evening job, on top of working every spare morning/afternoon in the dry cleaners. I'm tired of being poor. I brought it on myself, and I know that, and hey, that really doesn't help because I feel shitty and angry at myself on top of being poor. I can't afford to buy clothes, so I'm still wearing the clothes I wore in college- only not all of them because poor quality cheap-ass student food has made me put on weight. So now I wear all the baggy-ass emo clothes I used to wear, and people judge me on the basis of them, and... this isn't me. I don't particularly enjoy being serenaded about the fact that I look like a man, thanks. Also, asshole? I don't. See these? Breasts. I realise you're unfamiliar with them, but if you'll take a quick look downwards you'll notice that you don't have them. Fucking idiot. I'm angry, at myself, and that's gotta be one of the worst feelings there is. I just want to crawl into bed right now, and hibernate. I want someone to promise me that life will get better. I want to be able to believe them. And since I'm wishing, six hundred fucking quid would come in handy.
This summer I've worked every day, save a week which was hectic and brilliant and I think I haven't made a post about yet. I'm sorry about that. But yeah... despite working six days a week I still haven't made enough to cover my rent. For the past three months. I'm £600 in debt. My parents can't afford to help me out, and because the student loan I get is based on their income last year I will remain screwed. Covering the rent I owe is going to cost me pretty much my entire loan installment... so what happens next month? On top of working six days a week, every other week I will now be working at a bookshop in return for books instead of money, and I'm damned if I'll give that up. I think I'm gonna have to get an evening job, on top of working every spare morning/afternoon in the dry cleaners. I'm tired of being poor. I brought it on myself, and I know that, and hey, that really doesn't help because I feel shitty and angry at myself on top of being poor. I can't afford to buy clothes, so I'm still wearing the clothes I wore in college- only not all of them because poor quality cheap-ass student food has made me put on weight. So now I wear all the baggy-ass emo clothes I used to wear, and people judge me on the basis of them, and... this isn't me. I don't particularly enjoy being serenaded about the fact that I look like a man, thanks. Also, asshole? I don't. See these? Breasts. I realise you're unfamiliar with them, but if you'll take a quick look downwards you'll notice that you don't have them. Fucking idiot. I'm angry, at myself, and that's gotta be one of the worst feelings there is. I just want to crawl into bed right now, and hibernate. I want someone to promise me that life will get better. I want to be able to believe them. And since I'm wishing, six hundred fucking quid would come in handy.
