(no subject)
Sep. 4th, 2004 06:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyAnyone I owe things to? I'm sorry.
This summer I've worked every day, save a week which was hectic and brilliant and I think I haven't made a post about yet. I'm sorry about that. But yeah... despite working six days a week I still haven't made enough to cover my rent. For the past three months. I'm £600 in debt. My parents can't afford to help me out, and because the student loan I get is based on their income last year I will remain screwed. Covering the rent I owe is going to cost me pretty much my entire loan installment... so what happens next month? On top of working six days a week, every other week I will now be working at a bookshop in return for books instead of money, and I'm damned if I'll give that up. I think I'm gonna have to get an evening job, on top of working every spare morning/afternoon in the dry cleaners. I'm tired of being poor. I brought it on myself, and I know that, and hey, that really doesn't help because I feel shitty and angry at myself on top of being poor. I can't afford to buy clothes, so I'm still wearing the clothes I wore in college- only not all of them because poor quality cheap-ass student food has made me put on weight. So now I wear all the baggy-ass emo clothes I used to wear, and people judge me on the basis of them, and... this isn't me. I don't particularly enjoy being serenaded about the fact that I look like a man, thanks. Also, asshole? I don't. See these? Breasts. I realise you're unfamiliar with them, but if you'll take a quick look downwards you'll notice that you don't have them. Fucking idiot. I'm angry, at myself, and that's gotta be one of the worst feelings there is. I just want to crawl into bed right now, and hibernate. I want someone to promise me that life will get better. I want to be able to believe them. And since I'm wishing, six hundred fucking quid would come in handy.
This summer I've worked every day, save a week which was hectic and brilliant and I think I haven't made a post about yet. I'm sorry about that. But yeah... despite working six days a week I still haven't made enough to cover my rent. For the past three months. I'm £600 in debt. My parents can't afford to help me out, and because the student loan I get is based on their income last year I will remain screwed. Covering the rent I owe is going to cost me pretty much my entire loan installment... so what happens next month? On top of working six days a week, every other week I will now be working at a bookshop in return for books instead of money, and I'm damned if I'll give that up. I think I'm gonna have to get an evening job, on top of working every spare morning/afternoon in the dry cleaners. I'm tired of being poor. I brought it on myself, and I know that, and hey, that really doesn't help because I feel shitty and angry at myself on top of being poor. I can't afford to buy clothes, so I'm still wearing the clothes I wore in college- only not all of them because poor quality cheap-ass student food has made me put on weight. So now I wear all the baggy-ass emo clothes I used to wear, and people judge me on the basis of them, and... this isn't me. I don't particularly enjoy being serenaded about the fact that I look like a man, thanks. Also, asshole? I don't. See these? Breasts. I realise you're unfamiliar with them, but if you'll take a quick look downwards you'll notice that you don't have them. Fucking idiot. I'm angry, at myself, and that's gotta be one of the worst feelings there is. I just want to crawl into bed right now, and hibernate. I want someone to promise me that life will get better. I want to be able to believe them. And since I'm wishing, six hundred fucking quid would come in handy.
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no subject
Date: 2004-09-03 11:16 pm (UTC)*holds your hand*
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Date: 2004-09-03 11:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 12:26 am (UTC)*hugs*
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Date: 2004-09-04 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 03:00 am (UTC)Your response made me teary. You're such a nice person... it's kinda awe inspiring.
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Date: 2004-09-04 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 03:44 am (UTC)*hugs*
Anything I can do to help?
no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 05:20 am (UTC)*feels sad...*
I love you.
You're beautiful no matter what and if I was still in Cardiff I'd...lick your neck and...take you shopping... But I'm, er, 7 thousand miles away, or something.
You'll get through it, I remember you surviving on a Pound for oooh weeks and weeks in your First Year.
If it's r e a l l y bad (which it sounds) you know I can make my darling mother send me my cheque book and you can make use of my August's wages that I can't really get to so can't use til I get back next year. I'm not kidding. I mean it.
Keep smiling honey, I think you're eternally ace.
no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 08:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 09:44 am (UTC)I'm sorry things suck right now. I wish I could help somehow. >:D
no subject
Date: 2004-09-04 01:45 pm (UTC)what is size 16-18 in US sizes or French sizes, do you know? I may have stuff I could send you, too.