(no subject)

[nny]

I'm a contradiction in terms. In so very many of the things I hold opinions on I manage to keep seperate and conflicting ideas in my head at the same time. A case in point is in the matter of fiction based on or around roleplaying games, stories that involve characters I play.

I adore these fics. They make me ridiculously happy. I feel honoured that I might have inspired someone to write such things, and I love reading about my character doing something that they would do, something that I could have written, but didn't.

And then there's the flip side.

It's intensely paranoia-inducing to read something that hits the exactly right voice for your character. Something that is so spot on that you can hear it in your head. It makes me feel replaceable, like I don't really matter as mun for that character, that my job could be done just as well by anyone. And that's the strangest feeling because I don't play original characters. A couple of my characters border on OCs, but I have rationalisation of why they've grown up the way they have, and I'm almost certain they're not Mary-Sues. (Cue fit of paranoia, again...). I am playing someone else's character so it shouldn't bother me that someone else can write the voice well, but the RP characters have so many of my quirks in them... And of course, there's the fact that I don't think I could do it...

This is why I'm dragging my heels so much on the André/Lucifer, the André/Skazz. I don't think I can get the voices of your characters right, and I'm worried about you reading my attempts. It's pretty similar to imagining that JKR is reading your Potter-fic, or GNeil watching my fumbling attempts at playing one of his characters. And no, I'm really not exaggerating- that's what it feels like. I fear your polite response, while I know that it doesn't sound like your character.

Writing canon fic is so much easier. And I'm slack even at doing that.

Yeah, I guess that's it. :)