(no subject)
Sep. 27th, 2005 09:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyI have insomnia currently, and my brain is fragmenting under the pressure.
I wish this was the beginning of a tale of merry and crack-filled japes, but it's not. I think I'm going mad. It's not such a long trip, I guess. At times the state of my head is seriously worrying me, and I seem to have far less control over my weirdnesses than I've ever had before.
I won't go see anyone unless it gets a lot worse, because I fear medication. I don't go to doctors, you may have noticed, and I don't even take pain killers unless I physically can't, like, get out of bed. I realise this is an immature standpoint, but there's also a whole lot of cultural upbringing in there - stiff upper lip really does exist. Brits aren't so easy with the whole medication thing. I should lock myself in the attic, instead, maybe.
Plus there's a part of me that doesn't want to be fixed, because my weirdnesses are what make me what I am.
I realise that what I am is tremendously and hideously annoying and frustrating at times, yes. I could certainly do without the insecurities, I suppose. But, man. Can you imagine what I'd be like with an ego? *shudders*
I'll probably be fine again once I'm getting more than two hours sleep a night, but right now some of my outbursts are actually scaring me. My brain is a deeply strange place.
Why am I telling you this? I'm... not entirely sure. Fair warning, I guess, in case I'm odd at you in the rare moments I manage to get myself onto a chat program. Just... y'know, ignore me until I've had some sleep. Ravelled sleeves, and shit.
I wish this was the beginning of a tale of merry and crack-filled japes, but it's not. I think I'm going mad. It's not such a long trip, I guess. At times the state of my head is seriously worrying me, and I seem to have far less control over my weirdnesses than I've ever had before.
I won't go see anyone unless it gets a lot worse, because I fear medication. I don't go to doctors, you may have noticed, and I don't even take pain killers unless I physically can't, like, get out of bed. I realise this is an immature standpoint, but there's also a whole lot of cultural upbringing in there - stiff upper lip really does exist. Brits aren't so easy with the whole medication thing. I should lock myself in the attic, instead, maybe.
Plus there's a part of me that doesn't want to be fixed, because my weirdnesses are what make me what I am.
I realise that what I am is tremendously and hideously annoying and frustrating at times, yes. I could certainly do without the insecurities, I suppose. But, man. Can you imagine what I'd be like with an ego? *shudders*
I'll probably be fine again once I'm getting more than two hours sleep a night, but right now some of my outbursts are actually scaring me. My brain is a deeply strange place.
Why am I telling you this? I'm... not entirely sure. Fair warning, I guess, in case I'm odd at you in the rare moments I manage to get myself onto a chat program. Just... y'know, ignore me until I've had some sleep. Ravelled sleeves, and shit.
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 02:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 03:18 pm (UTC)I know you're not nuts about medicine, but in all seriousness, if you get the right kinds of tea, it will help you sleep. The tea I have for such times is a mixture of chamomile, spearmint, lemon grass, tilia flowers, blackberry leaves, orange blossoms, hawthorn berries, and rosebuds. I'm betting even just plain old chamomile will help.
Lay off any and all caffeine, for a while. Seriously. It can mess you up big time if you're already having trouble sleeping. Likewise, lots of alcohol has sugar in it, so even though the booze might relax you, the sugar counteracts that.
Deep breathing. No joke. Concentrated, focused breathing as you lay in bed.
Please try any or all of these, Nny. You need to sleep. Sleep=continued employment and a happier head.
*hugs tight*
no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 04:42 pm (UTC)I can relate to what you seem to be going through because if you don't sleep for long enough it's very easy to believe you're losing it, even though you're really not. It happened to me during college, and it's scary.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 04:57 pm (UTC)You will take care of yourself, including any and all necessary medications, because otherwise please do consider your ass kicked so hard that the separate bones of your pelvis will in fact DISARTICULATE and you will need MORE THAN A PAINKILLER. YOUNG LADY.
Tough love. *pushes Meg's tea at you*
no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 07:48 pm (UTC)What she said.
Except in a nice calm way that reinforces soothing love I have for you.
*hugs*
And your letter goes out...uhhh....sometime soon.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-28 04:59 am (UTC)I was given some 'stress mints' for Christmas once - said 'oo, yum' & chomped one, then couldn't figure out why I was trying to sleep in a chair by midmorning. They have herbal stuff in them - and I know herbal meds are still meds, but it doesn't FEEL like they are. :) Can put a box in your Package of Random, if you like?