(no subject)
Dec. 31st, 2005 07:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyI'm not sure what to do, tonight, because I'm not sure, entirely, where I'm wanted.
This is the kind of feeling that springs from two nights of very little restless sleep and dreams that make me regret what little there was. I'm trying awfully hard to be sensible about it, but sleep often seems like a requirement of sensible and it's harder than it looks.
I've never got on well with New Year's Eve. I feel some sort of societal... not pressure, but expectation that I shall enjoy myself. Pressure would be easier resented; when it's merely an expectation, born of a thousand thousand people enjoying themselves dreadfully, it's clearly something that's wrong with me.
New Year's to me is long queues and loud drunks and drinking not to be drinking but in order to get drunk. Which, in the greatest tradition of irony, does wonders at getting me out of the mood and therefore far more sober than I'd like. And yet still, no doubt, with a marvellous hangover the next day.
It's entirely possible that the best option is to make a conscious decision to be alone, thereby avoiding any resentment at the fact that I still am. In other words: I may be on the internet tonight, but only if I've had some sleep and managed to force myself into a better mood than I am now. This evening I may opt for Master and Commander and a little bit of port.
Ah, well. Decisions can be made after nap after work.
More resolutions: Drink less. Sleep more.
This is the kind of feeling that springs from two nights of very little restless sleep and dreams that make me regret what little there was. I'm trying awfully hard to be sensible about it, but sleep often seems like a requirement of sensible and it's harder than it looks.
I've never got on well with New Year's Eve. I feel some sort of societal... not pressure, but expectation that I shall enjoy myself. Pressure would be easier resented; when it's merely an expectation, born of a thousand thousand people enjoying themselves dreadfully, it's clearly something that's wrong with me.
New Year's to me is long queues and loud drunks and drinking not to be drinking but in order to get drunk. Which, in the greatest tradition of irony, does wonders at getting me out of the mood and therefore far more sober than I'd like. And yet still, no doubt, with a marvellous hangover the next day.
It's entirely possible that the best option is to make a conscious decision to be alone, thereby avoiding any resentment at the fact that I still am. In other words: I may be on the internet tonight, but only if I've had some sleep and managed to force myself into a better mood than I am now. This evening I may opt for Master and Commander and a little bit of port.
Ah, well. Decisions can be made after nap after work.
More resolutions: Drink less. Sleep more.
