(no subject)
May. 29th, 2006 08:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyDays continue to happen without all that much intervention on my side of things. The usual panic of not getting anything done is muted, rather, because I'm working thirty seven and a half hours a week with an extra five of travelling, and it's difficult to then come home and motivate myself to be hugely productive, which is fair enough I think. I mean, I'm still adjusting, really - I've stopped napping after work, and that's a good thing. Just I need to get to the next stage which is coming home and then making sure I'm sorting various and sundry.
What needs sorting, you say?
Buggered if I know.
Seriously, I know I ought to be doing things, and there's a list or two of Definite Things I ought to be doing, but there's also a constant quiet panic about the fact that I have three weekends left in this country. Milliways is my priority and I'm really not sure it ought to be because I've lived here for four years and no matter how I may protest it I do have friends and a lot of them I'm really not going to see again. If people aren't on LJ I'm shite at keeping up with them. It's a Thing. And I suspect people will probably miss me far more than I'd ever admit that they will. I will miss them, too, but in a very inactive way - I'm intending to come back to visit, to see Mrs Spike and Baby Spike, to see Bigger and Smaller, but I will feel too out of the loop to visit anyone else and will still miss them. I have this thing where it's easier to say that things suck than it is to do anything about it, I'm afraid. I'm working far harder on it than I have in the past, and I'm doing far better than I once did, but it's still a serious character flaw.
It's hard to work on things. It's hard to make progress without solving the problem; to know you're doing better but you're still not fixed. It's hard to have problems brought up and to only be able to answer that... well... you're trying harder? Sometimes I do wonder whether I'm making progress at all or if I'm just fooling myself, but apparently Smaller has noticed positive results, so. Ah well. There are lists of things I'm gonna be doing at home which will have actual concrete results, and that'll be good.
Finally, I think my writing's getting a little better. Or, more accurately, I'm getting better at telling when my writing is decent and when it's shite, and more importantly, how and why. In the past I have written things and posted them straight after, because otherwise I knew I'd delete them straight away. I'm learning to look at things critically, but not overcritically. I can leave things and go back to them. This means I'm starting to work on things that are longer than my usual five hundred odd words. I'm pleased with this.
I'm going to sort through my folders of old fanfic that I've been clinging onto for years. I have no intention of ever getting back into X-Files fandom, or ever developing that X-Movie slash idea, and a lot of what I had to say back when I was fifteen, seventeen is a load of crap. I'd like to burn the old stuff, really, but that's needlessly dramatic and the grass is too long. I don't want to set fire to the garden. But I guess shoving it into a recycling bag is a more mature gesture, at that, and it's about time I made a few of those.
Then maybe I'll feel a little more motivated to work on some original stuff. I have the ideas I just need to get started.
What needs sorting, you say?
Buggered if I know.
Seriously, I know I ought to be doing things, and there's a list or two of Definite Things I ought to be doing, but there's also a constant quiet panic about the fact that I have three weekends left in this country. Milliways is my priority and I'm really not sure it ought to be because I've lived here for four years and no matter how I may protest it I do have friends and a lot of them I'm really not going to see again. If people aren't on LJ I'm shite at keeping up with them. It's a Thing. And I suspect people will probably miss me far more than I'd ever admit that they will. I will miss them, too, but in a very inactive way - I'm intending to come back to visit, to see Mrs Spike and Baby Spike, to see Bigger and Smaller, but I will feel too out of the loop to visit anyone else and will still miss them. I have this thing where it's easier to say that things suck than it is to do anything about it, I'm afraid. I'm working far harder on it than I have in the past, and I'm doing far better than I once did, but it's still a serious character flaw.
It's hard to work on things. It's hard to make progress without solving the problem; to know you're doing better but you're still not fixed. It's hard to have problems brought up and to only be able to answer that... well... you're trying harder? Sometimes I do wonder whether I'm making progress at all or if I'm just fooling myself, but apparently Smaller has noticed positive results, so. Ah well. There are lists of things I'm gonna be doing at home which will have actual concrete results, and that'll be good.
Finally, I think my writing's getting a little better. Or, more accurately, I'm getting better at telling when my writing is decent and when it's shite, and more importantly, how and why. In the past I have written things and posted them straight after, because otherwise I knew I'd delete them straight away. I'm learning to look at things critically, but not overcritically. I can leave things and go back to them. This means I'm starting to work on things that are longer than my usual five hundred odd words. I'm pleased with this.
I'm going to sort through my folders of old fanfic that I've been clinging onto for years. I have no intention of ever getting back into X-Files fandom, or ever developing that X-Movie slash idea, and a lot of what I had to say back when I was fifteen, seventeen is a load of crap. I'd like to burn the old stuff, really, but that's needlessly dramatic and the grass is too long. I don't want to set fire to the garden. But I guess shoving it into a recycling bag is a more mature gesture, at that, and it's about time I made a few of those.
Then maybe I'll feel a little more motivated to work on some original stuff. I have the ideas I just need to get started.
