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Jun. 6th, 2006 09:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nnyA little ramble on bisexuality, today.
Something a co-worker said to me got me thinking, see. She asked, since I'm on such a girl kick at the moment, why don't I go all the way and say I'm gay?
It made me blink a little, I confess. I'm not gay, see. I'm bisexual. I always will be bisexual, I think that the fact that this has lasted so long and the fact that it feels so right to me has proved that. If I end up married with kids, happily so, that won't make me straight. It'll mean I'm bisexual and happen to have ended up with a man. Likewise, the fact that the only time I've been in love it was with a girl doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means that that person was right for me at that time.
Make sense?
I don't think you get to choose. And I think that whoever you prefer, it's important that you figure it out for yourself and not go with whatever your friends/priest/family have always told you that you ought to be.
It's easy saying that on the internet. It's easy saying that where people tend to be more accepting, and where if I'm not accepted I can change my name and become someone else. But on the internet, in fandom, in the spaces I frequent, it's like it's become a stigma to be straight. Like it's the safe thing to do to say you're bi; and that's just as unhealthy and ridiculous as the other way around.
Basically, what I'm trying to do is to make myself a cohesive whole as much as possible. I'm trying to be who I am and be honest about that. It's why I'm sorting out my head so much, why I'm admitting to myself that I'm unreliable and shallow and not nearly so bright as many of the people I know. Lying to myself makes me miserable, lying to others makes me hate myself. And the truth is, there is not that much about me that I ought to hate. There are parts that need work, just as there are with everyone, but there's nothing about myself that makes me a bad person, I don't think. So I try to be honest; I don't necessarily volunteer every piece of information about myself straight away (unless you read my journal), but nor will I hide it if you ask me. So although I will change my register, my form of address, depending on who I'm talking to, I will always endeavour to be me. It's the only thing that I can definitely do best.
I forget if there was a point. I'm gonna go make some tea. :D
Something a co-worker said to me got me thinking, see. She asked, since I'm on such a girl kick at the moment, why don't I go all the way and say I'm gay?
It made me blink a little, I confess. I'm not gay, see. I'm bisexual. I always will be bisexual, I think that the fact that this has lasted so long and the fact that it feels so right to me has proved that. If I end up married with kids, happily so, that won't make me straight. It'll mean I'm bisexual and happen to have ended up with a man. Likewise, the fact that the only time I've been in love it was with a girl doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means that that person was right for me at that time.
Make sense?
I don't think you get to choose. And I think that whoever you prefer, it's important that you figure it out for yourself and not go with whatever your friends/priest/family have always told you that you ought to be.
It's easy saying that on the internet. It's easy saying that where people tend to be more accepting, and where if I'm not accepted I can change my name and become someone else. But on the internet, in fandom, in the spaces I frequent, it's like it's become a stigma to be straight. Like it's the safe thing to do to say you're bi; and that's just as unhealthy and ridiculous as the other way around.
Basically, what I'm trying to do is to make myself a cohesive whole as much as possible. I'm trying to be who I am and be honest about that. It's why I'm sorting out my head so much, why I'm admitting to myself that I'm unreliable and shallow and not nearly so bright as many of the people I know. Lying to myself makes me miserable, lying to others makes me hate myself. And the truth is, there is not that much about me that I ought to hate. There are parts that need work, just as there are with everyone, but there's nothing about myself that makes me a bad person, I don't think. So I try to be honest; I don't necessarily volunteer every piece of information about myself straight away (unless you read my journal), but nor will I hide it if you ask me. So although I will change my register, my form of address, depending on who I'm talking to, I will always endeavour to be me. It's the only thing that I can definitely do best.
I forget if there was a point. I'm gonna go make some tea. :D
