(no subject)

[nny]

A little ramble on bisexuality, today.

Something a co-worker said to me got me thinking, see. She asked, since I'm on such a girl kick at the moment, why don't I go all the way and say I'm gay?

It made me blink a little, I confess. I'm not gay, see. I'm bisexual. I always will be bisexual, I think that the fact that this has lasted so long and the fact that it feels so right to me has proved that. If I end up married with kids, happily so, that won't make me straight. It'll mean I'm bisexual and happen to have ended up with a man. Likewise, the fact that the only time I've been in love it was with a girl doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means that that person was right for me at that time.

Make sense?

I don't think you get to choose. And I think that whoever you prefer, it's important that you figure it out for yourself and not go with whatever your friends/priest/family have always told you that you ought to be.

It's easy saying that on the internet. It's easy saying that where people tend to be more accepting, and where if I'm not accepted I can change my name and become someone else. But on the internet, in fandom, in the spaces I frequent, it's like it's become a stigma to be straight. Like it's the safe thing to do to say you're bi; and that's just as unhealthy and ridiculous as the other way around.

Basically, what I'm trying to do is to make myself a cohesive whole as much as possible. I'm trying to be who I am and be honest about that. It's why I'm sorting out my head so much, why I'm admitting to myself that I'm unreliable and shallow and not nearly so bright as many of the people I know. Lying to myself makes me miserable, lying to others makes me hate myself. And the truth is, there is not that much about me that I ought to hate. There are parts that need work, just as there are with everyone, but there's nothing about myself that makes me a bad person, I don't think. So I try to be honest; I don't necessarily volunteer every piece of information about myself straight away (unless you read my journal), but nor will I hide it if you ask me. So although I will change my register, my form of address, depending on who I'm talking to, I will always endeavour to be me. It's the only thing that I can definitely do best.

I forget if there was a point. I'm gonna go make some tea. :D

Comments

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

and not nearly so bright as many of the people I know.

*taps foot*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Remind me to introduce you to my friendslist sometime. Or you could look in a mirror.

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

Just because your friendslist is clever doesn't mean you are less so.

[nepheliad.livejournal.com]

Amen.

People in counseling groups for older teens, people online, stuff like that -- they tell me maybe I'm confused.

But I'm not confused, I'm just bisexual. I can love anyone, for them, because it's all about the person. It's just who it happens to be at the time. I don't care about anything, be it gender or name or hair colour or fluency in Armenian -- I know what I want, and gender just doesn't matter.

Amen, again.

[sophistry]

Actually, I think it's because there's this sort of... stigma of trendiness about being bi; there's so much party lesbianism or Friday night lesbianism, or whatever you want to call it - so many people going *hairflip* "Oh, yah, I'm totally bi!" - that it can be very hard to convince people that no, you're actually genuinely bisexual, as opposed to a girl who's willing to tipsily make out with another girl for the titillation of those around them.

Still, I suppose party lesbianism is an accepted middle ground of a sort - I don't think guys even have that. Here, at least, if you're a guy, you're either gay or straight.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

That's absolutely true too. Something I've seen more in the so-called 'alternative' circles, but that might just be because that's where I tend to hang out.

It meant I spent a hell of a lot longer thinking about it before I ever said I was bi to anyone, and I don't really think that can be a bad thing.

[swinging-cod.livejournal.com]

This is so true. One of my best friends, a lesbian, had a real prejudice against bi people for ages. It was completely irrational, and she recanted a few years later. But she practically frothed at the mouth at the idea of someone who couldn't commit to one or the other, no matter how we argued.

[swinging-cod.livejournal.com]

...So says Jayne..

-_-

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there is a stigma about being straight on the internet. If you aren't into "alternative" things and aren't sexually open or whatever, there's something wrong with you, and as far as fandom goes it's always, always acceptable to go for the "alternative" interpretation of canon--i.e., it's cool to assume this character is bi or gay, and not cool to assume this character is straight. And bisexuality is really only used as an excuse to make a character shown to be interested in the opposite sex in canon also interested in the same sex in fandom. Which, you know, is a terrific thing for bisexuals: bisexuality is an excuse or a gimmick rather than a legitimate characterization most of the time.

[ajodasso.livejournal.com]

Basically, what I'm trying to do is to make myself a cohesive whole as much as possible. I'm trying to be who I am and be honest about that.

And good for you :) Speaking as someone who has been in long-term relationships with members of both genders, I agree with you about the fact that it comes down to the person you choose/find is right for you, and not the gender of said person. Until the world at large learns how to wrap its head around this concept, bisexuals - no, not merely bisexuals, humans will have a hard time of finding their way. It's just a shame that it has to be like that.

[vimeslady.livejournal.com]

I don't believe you're shallow, in any way that I would use the word. This very post shows how deeply you think and how much insight you have.

I know I need to work on accepting that my son Faeon is bi. From my viewpoint it seems obvious that he's gay, but my viewpoint isn't worth shit. He says he's bi, and I certainly have never disagreed with him outloud, but I think of him as gay. This is not good. You've given me insight into what he is saying by explaining that gender isn't a factor in whom you're attracted to.

[saturnalia.livejournal.com]

Oh, so much word. It drives me nuts that if you do end up dating a girl, people think you must be a lesbian and the whole bisexual thing was just denial, whereas if you end up dating a guy, you're clearly straight and it was all just a phase. Um, no.

*uses Captain Jack icon, because time-traveling bisexuals rule*