(no subject)

[nny]

A little more as I slowly drip dry.

In regards to last night's post about bisexuality.

What's come up a couple of times in the comments is that people have agreed with or mentioned my saying that gender doesn't matter to me. And I do beg your pardon if that's how it came across, but that's not what I mean at all. I realise that it's kind of an easy way of looking at bisexuality, and more than that it's an easy way of explaining bisexuality, I guess. It's kind of a code which takes only one sentence and means people can almost get where you're coming from but not quite. Isn't that the way of things with every box we try to slot ourselves into? There are many labels which can almost apply to me, but there are many ways in which I really don't fit; it'd be easy to call myself a Christian, for instance. I believe in god, I believe in many things that work within Christianity... but I'm not. I don't believe in the faith as a whole and therefore I'm not willing to strap that certain set of expectations to my back.

This is possibly why I talk so much on here; attempting to explain where I'm coming from. It's as much for my benefit as anyone else's.

(In fact, it's probably entirely for my benefit. Do feel free to tell me to shut up. :D)

But anyway, meandering back to the point in my own sweet time: Gender does matter to me.

Of course it matters to me. Saying that it doesn't is denying an enormous part of what has made a person who they are, made them develop in the way that they have. Saying that it doesn't is ignoring the way that collarbones on girls and forearms on blokes have a completely different effect on me than the equivalent on the opposite. Things that attract me to a person aren't always the same in both genders, and a girl acting exactly the same way as a bloke in any given situation will not have the same effect on me, not even remotely.

Gender, gender roles, the conception thereof and the identification within them are an enormous part of who a person is. If you fall in love or lust after a person, that is a part of what has made you feel that way about them.

So yes: gender, individually, matters. I just don't really seem to have a preference over all.

It's nearly the same thing, see, but not quite.

Comments

[buongiornodaisy.livejournal.com]

I'd have to agree. I'm not bisexual, but it does seem rather foolish to ignore something as major as gender. That's part of what makes a person who they are, as you said. It would be like ignoring someone's ethnicity or religion. I think the concept should be not to make a big deal about it if someone's a girl, a guy, black, white, Christian or Muslim, but not to wholly ignore it, either.

It's--and this has nothing to do with sexuality--why I tend to like entertainment mediums that do address these aspects of characters without pointing and screaming at those aspects. It's part of who they are, shapes their character and there's a world of interest in those aspects that are worth exploring.

IAWTC

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

(See, I told you it would get boring after a while)

Yes. Overall both sexes get a look in, but in terms of the individual of course it matters what sex they are because it completely informs every damned thing about them.

I mean, maybe if we didn't have physical bodies it wouldn't matter as much but that would also take away about 50% of the fun involved, ya? Unn, I make no sense at this time of day. Shall try again later when I'm woken up properly.

I have Jerusalem stuck in my heaaaad

[ajodasso.livejournal.com]

Saying that it doesn't is denying an enormous part of what has made a person who they are, made them develop in the way that they have.

It's not denying that it's an enormous part of the way they are, at least when I say it - of course someone's gender is integral to who they are, and it can be the deal-breaker with respect to personality and any other combination of traits. In the end, when I use the phrase "it doesn't matter what gender they are," I mean in the general, overarching sense of, when I am single, I don't go out saying, hmm, gee, I think I'm in the mood for only women today, or only men today, so I'm going to exclude one or the other. It simply means that I am open to any opportunity when single, and that, yes, while a person's gender will have an effect on who they are, I'm not out to meet segmented-off preference quotas :)

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Well, see, I can understand the other argument. For example, I'm a fan of androgyny - in those cases gender really IS irrelevant, because it's the blend that is beautiful and the mystery which is fascinating. If I see a beautiful person and I can't figure out if it's a guy or a girl, and I actually, yaknow, ask, my opinion of them is not going to change if I find out they're a girl and I was sort of leaning towards guy, or vice versa.

But, on the other hand, I see the attraction in zomg!manly guys and women with curves like trigonometry, and you certainly wouldn't want to swap those around.

And then there's the people who really are attracted purely to the mind, or close, and for those people it would be SO much more about the individual than anything else that gender would be like hair colour. Er, I assume.

continued because I am le moron.

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Um, and I assume so because I find that while you can make broad statements about "men" or "women" with regards to personality, there's so much variation and crossover that someone whose personality you like is just that - and they're not like that because they're male or female, because there are guys and girls with that personality type, and everybody's unique anyway, so they're really just THEM. It's like (and, oh god, geek alert, I'm making a webcomic reference) it's like in the webcomic Friendly Hostility, where Colin at first considers himself asexual, and when he gets together with his best friend, he just says, "Okay, so I'm asexual with an exception. I don't like guys or girls, I just like him *points*". And there's no shortage of people who are "straight except for that one guy/girl" - that is, somebody out there is just so totally compatible that it completely overrides gender boundaries.

[cluegirl.livejournal.com]

What I tend to tell people is that I don't fall in love with bodies, or with genitals. I fall in love with people. And there isn't much difference in how I fall in love with a girl, to how I fall in love with a boy.

And no, people -- both gay and straight -- don't like my explanation, and think I'm just in denial. What can I do except shrug and go on as I have been?

[batyatoon]

I think the question is: matter to what?

If I'm looking for someone to be friends with, I don't care what religion you are. Which is to say: of course I care, because it's part of what you are, but it's not going to affect whether or not I want to be your friend.

I'm not sure the analogy holds, but the point is, if I'm bisexual, then your gender isn't going to affect whether or not I want to have sex with you.

That make any sense?

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

Hmm... I tend to just say I don't care about gender, to differentiate from the monosexual people who really do only want to have sex with somebody if that somebody is a certain gender. It's less an accurate description of what it actually means to me, and more a way of trying to explain something complicated to others in a way that will hopefully let them understand it as much as possible, even if it does gloss over a lot. It's an "it'll do" situation: I wouldn't use that phrase to other bisexual people, because it's not meant for them; they don't need that extra footpath to understanding that somebody can honestly fancy both men and women.

There's also that I don't particularly want to go into the details of who I like and how/why I like them to most people, heh, so that works as a vaguely functional description to answer curious questions or tell to people who need to know but who I don't want to go into detail with.

As for the actual importance of gender, I'd say your description is probably bang on the money for most bisexuals - men and women are different, so most people are likely to like different things about them, just not prefer one over the other. It's not necessarily true for everybody - I know one person who likes tall, skinny blondes with lots of angles whether male or female - but, well, that's true of basically every generalisation you can make. :)

[ms-ntropy.livejournal.com]

Just to chime in:

I guess some would consider me bisexual, but I have to say that I'm a very gender biased bisexual.

For me gender is the social-extension of ones sex, and I really can't stand the whole "girly" stereotype. I don't care if it's expressed by a man or a woman, it makes my skin crawl.

I'm sure there's a whole psychology behind my not liking that particular blend of socially acceptable traits, but the fact remains it drives me bonkers.