(no subject)

[nny]

(As with so much, I reckon this has a couple of good moments, some interesting ideas perhaps, but I'm too lazy to develop it. Maybe someday. XD)




1

The hallway echoes.

This is the hallway and not
(as philosophers would have it)
the echo of a hallway
outside a cave
or reflected from within it. It
is the hallway
was the hallway
remains this hallway when

the hallway echoes.



2

Left

Left

Left right left
to his own devices,
right,
the man would think of anything
and everything
and the nothing in between
but they will keep interrupting
with the endless re-repeating
of their sharp soled shoes
(whoever would have guessed -

the hallway echoes

- that they sold shoes sharp?)

He thinks of anything
and nothing
and the everything in between
but they will keep re-repeating
with their endless interrupting
and the dodo, it slips
from the tip
of his mind.

(I think I will remember this; except I don't.
I think I think I will remember this only
it's more that I worry I'll forget this
if I forget to think about remembering.
I don't want to forget this in case
I need it for comparison when I forget,
only I'll have forgotten.

Not yet.)

This time they pass,
unremarking,
unremarked
(right?)
to his own devices
left.


3

you're the man who thinks he is god
(almost-asks the man shod
in the sharpest soled shoes)
we think you're confused
(as he tightens his jaw)
I think, therefore...
You are?
Descartes.



(This is not quite a game.

He's winning, all the same.)


4

What is god doing in a hospital bed?
Remembering.
Anything in particular?
Everything in particular
and nothing in particular
and anything else as it comes.
Doesn't it get dull?
Dull as the dark in the deepest oceans
and dull as the scuff on a first pair of shoes
and dull as a penny passed through too many hands
and each hand a person
and each person a lifetime
and each lifetime a story
remembered.

Is that what god does?
It's what God is.
And there's no more creation?


When it gets dull.


5

A beatific smile
a gently waved hand
the beeping of monitors
measuring moments
(between now
and then
between awake
and asleep
between us
and)

He


- says he's thinking of lemurs.

The hallway echoes
re-repeating
and retreating



(what's a lemur?)

Comments

[genarti]

I like this. I like it a lot.

I will have to come back to it and reread to have any useful concrit, if you want such. But. You're right; it has some very good and interesting bits, and I like it. :)

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Useful concrit would be absolutely immense, if you wouldn't mind too horribly. 'cos I like it and I want to make it better, whereas most things I post I'm kinda horribly embarrassed by. ¬_¬

[genarti]

I don't mind in the slightest! Is more a question of how much my brain will cooperate with providing articulate things. *grin* As is proved by the phrase "articulate things."

Will do my best, anyhow.

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

POST MOAR OF THIS. Also never complain about not being able to write never again. Beeyotch.

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

I like. (I suck at knowing what to say, but I can say that.) The one bit that didn't work for me was the bit about "I think I will remember this" in italics - it didn't feel the same as the rest, to me... not just like something you could just normally and easily say without quite being poetry, but like something you'd worked on and not finished. What I got of the idea behind it worked fine, but I don't think the wording did.

Caveat: I know nothing about poetry and also I STILL THOUGHT THE REST WAS AWESOME, BEEOTCH.

[schiarire.livejournal.com]

you are wonderful

[unravels.livejournal.com]

♥

My favorite part is the section that starts with 'Dull as the dark....' And the marching rhythm. There are some very interesting things in here.

[liz666.livejournal.com]

If you ever tell me you can't write, I will tickle you stupid. YOU CAN TOO WRITE!!!!

I like this one very much-very thought provoking. Please write more!