my head is a box filled with nothing

[nny]

No reason for this icon other than pretty.

I'm guessing they're panic attacks, but I keep getting weirdly lightheaded and dizzy, and my brain interprets this as 'the world is glitching in its rotation and we're all going to float away!' I wish my panic was more productive and prettily worded, because the potential for screwed up poetry is just so frustratingly unrealised. The mental associations are linked up wrong, currently, and I'm seriously just wondering where all the water is coming from. My brain is not in a good place, and I have no idea how to get it to a good place before 2013. Bloody Mayans. Life would be easier if I had brainstates like this when talking to the counsellor; I suspect she thinks I'm completely fine and just whining. I'm not so much fine.

Zelenka should disguise himself as a vampire and trip over his cloak and grouse at Otto for perpetuating cultural stereotypes and tell John that in another reality - a reality where Rodney has not been turned into a frog - he could sue him for discrimination and racism and too-long cloaks. Except then my brain goes to cesperanza and "yeah, well, in another reality I coulda been a cowboy" and Zelenka just looks at him funny.

That's cool, though, 'cos in my head right now John is living in a box. Nobody else calls it a box, only he figures trailers and caravans kind of have to have wheels, and somewhere along the way this became a hell of a lot more permanent than it was supposed to be. They offered him the ghost train a couple of years back but he told them he gets freaked out in the dark and it turns out if you smile in just the right way you can make the truth feel just like a lie. Besides, he likes ferris wheels. Ferris wheels, and college football, and standing still and watching the speed that the world moves past him.

A couple of months in he made a sign and hung it on his door; 'Schroedinger's', it says, in matter-of-fact no-nonsense type, and people looked at him a little funny the first time they read it but it makes sense to him. Some days he genuinely can't tell.





So, villainny, your LiveJournal reveals...



You are... 35% unique (blame, for example, your interest in zelenka's hair) and 7% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy writing). When it comes to friends you are popular. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are wary of trusting strangers. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is intellectual.

Your overall weirdness is: 62

(The average level of weirdness is: 28.
You are weirder than 94% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

Comments

[liz666.livejournal.com]

That's a very pretty icon :)

Sounds like a panic attack to me huney-and panic isn't a productive thing. Persevere with it babe, you'll get there.

[in-the-blue.livejournal.com]

...you're not anemic, are you? That can also mimic panic attacks and a whole bunch of other things.

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

that kind of sucks... I know it's easier to hold yourself together when you're around people, and just sort of push the issues to the back of your mind. They only come out of hiding AFTER a stressful encounter - that happened to me this weekend. If only counsellors could read your mind... :

[unravels.livejournal.com]

I suspect I'm too late here, but gah. Take care of yourself. I wish I knew anything useful about panic attacks that would help.