(no subject)

[nny]

Not, admittedly, my best day ever. I had a bad first lesson and then had to excuse myself from the second lesson - which I was only observing, thank everthing - in order to go and attempt to cry silently in the toilets. I kind of got myself under control, only to fall apart again at break time when my mentor said she wanted a word at lunchtime. I scuttled off to the toilet again and then she cornered me, gave me a big hug and allowed me to soak her shoulder.

I've talked it through with her and she's told me I need to limit the time I spend planning lessons, I need to take some time off occasionally and I need to make sure I have all the basics down before I start taking on too much. Also that I need to focus more on the big picture rather than the details of the lesson, because I get too bogged down in the timings and forget what the point is.

I feel like I've failed, kinda, since I'm taking a big step backwards, but I really need to make sure my footing's solid there before I try to build on it. I dunno. I feel disappointed in myself but they told me that I'm doing okay and everyone's been really reassuring. I just really don't want to fuck this up and learn it too slow.

:/

Comments

[soupytwist.livejournal.com]

Honey, uh, you do realise that all those things she said basically add up to "spend some time on YOURSELF and de-stress about the whole thing", right? That is not failure. That is not you being stupid or incompetant or slow. That is you being stressed, which is difficult.

I'll be around later, lovely girl, if you want phoneage. *hugs tight*

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

*SQUEESH*?

[lazulus]

If it's any consolation, I know someone who did her Secondary NQT year last year and spent almost the entire first term in tears feeling as if she might as well give up and go home to Canada. The rest of the year wasn't easy, but it did get better - if the first year is arse - then the first term is arse in triplicate. Your mentor has given you good advice and you are getting good feedback so hang on in there, try not to get too over-critical of yourself and acknowledge that you can't know everything and do everything perfectly when you have only just started.

End of term is only just over two weeks away! You can do it. :)

*squidges*

D:

[pentapus.livejournal.com]

[tropes.livejournal.com]

This is what school is for. This is why you're there. This is the buffer for you to fuck up and have tweaks (which is what those criticisms were) to fix up, and now is the time to do all that. You're too hard on yourself.

[genarti]

Seconding all of this. That's how I interpret her feedback, too.

Which means that you're doing well, and just getting stressed about the fact that you're learning and you're not totally comfortable with all of this yet. Which of course you're not, because that's what the learning process is for. And that's what school, and feedback, are for. To give you a support system in which to get to the point of being the excellent teacher you'll become.

[rowanberries.livejournal.com]

*clutches*

Our Nny deserves resting time, yes she does.

Just think: Christmas holidays. Soclose!

[cantabile.livejournal.com]

You know, if the most negative thing someone can say to you is to spend some time on yourself and not give your all to teaching then I think it means you're doing pretty darned well.

It's hard not to get hung up on the minutae of everything - positive criticism (and so turning it into negative), timings, the smallest thing that goes wrong in a lesson, etc.

Prior to an inspection my last school had the county advisory team came in to do a practice run. I was very much like you, felt the bottom had dropped out of my world (almost leading to the opposite chain of events with the stress!!), that I was dreadful, that I couldn't get anything right. Why? Because the worst the advisor could say to me was that adding a piece of clip art to my worksheet would have livened it up a bit. After I'd walked around the school with a jaw down to my knees, and the threat of tears pricking the back of my eyes, the head eventually called me in and said, in his own sweet way, a similar sort of thing. Start focussing on the big picture and forget the detail.

I think it sounds like you're doing great. You could give yourself a big pat on the back.

[silveraspen]

Am in haste, so just dashing by to third all of this.

Because, yes.

[liz666.livejournal.com]

My lovely girl-you have not failed. Not at all. Your mentor is right-take a break once in a while, ease up on yourself a bit. I think you should be proud of yourself-you've clearly made a big positive impact on the tutors, they would kick you up the arse if they thought you weren't working hard enough! You're learning really well, really quickly-it's only been a couple of months.

You are not failing nor are you fucking this up. You're doing brilliantly well. *squishes*

[in-the-blue.livejournal.com]

Everyone else has already said it, but I'm going to say it too: it doesn't sound like a failure to me. All of life -- especially when we learn something new -- is trial and error, work and reassessment, give and take. When something's all new like, say, teaching, it's really easy to get consumed by details. The advice you got was good: take it for what it is, which is friendly advice from one who knows.

I think... we're all much harder on ourselves than anyone else ever is to us.

[rymenhild.livejournal.com]

Thirding. I've been teaching for a few years now (although, I think, not nearly as intensely as you have; I only have one class, twice or three times a week, at a time) and I find that cutting down on class prep time is the thing that helps me relax most. It's really important for my focus in class to have enough off time out of class, if it makes sense.

[lunar-echo.livejournal.com]

Your mentor's words are true. You're merely at the beginning of this jounrey, there will be moments where it feels extremely tough...that is the nature of anything new and overwhelmingly different from before. You'll cope fine - you're just trying to find a balance that works best for you, which can take time. Relax. Deep breaths. And enjoy your weekend :) I'm very proud of the success you've made of this so far, you're a million miles from fialing my dear.

I hope to see you over the festive period. Probably won't be able to do Londoness, but you're welcome here whenever.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

*squishes lots*

It's one of those things that is far easier to recognise intellectually than emotionally, but I appreciate the reiteration. Thanks, sweetness.

♥

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

There's a hell of a lot more I could say in response to that, but that pretty much covers it.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

*squishes*

Thanks.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it makes sense, and it's something I'm trying to do. It works, too, with my year 7s because they are willing and awed by teachers and an easy ride. The year 9s I have to work harder at, and I can't help but be intimidated by that. I really need to work on producing interesting lessons for them - I'm still at the mental place where I'm thinking about how I'm going to get through the lesson, with them, rather than what I want them to get out of it. I need to get my brain back on track.

Thanks for the advice, sugar.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

*engulfs*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

YAY for two weeks away, my god.

Thanks for the advice, sweetie, it's really kind of you. I'm just having a hard time getting the intellectual response to her words to match up to the emotional OMG WOEXORZ response. XD

Re: D:

[villainny.livejournal.com]

You have no idea the size of my grin when I saw this.

:D

Thank you.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

*squeeshes*

Thank you.

Also? Less'n a month, now. :D!!!

[villainny.livejournal.com]

sogood!

*loves*

[genarti]

That remains the cutest hugging icon ever.

*hugs lots* You are very welcome, because it's all true. :)

Hang in there, hon. It'll get less stressful, as you get more comfortable with what you're doing.