Well, my brain has never worked in a very linear way, and as I've gotten older (ahahahahaha, yes, I realize how young I still am), it's only gotten worse and worse. And sometimes it feels like I'm not even sure what's going on up there. University kicked most of the knowlege that I had and was proud of out, and replaced it with stuff that I can't remember or care nothing about remembering, and so I don't, and instead, it feels empty. Where I used to get confused by the myriad voices in my head, shouting to drown each other out, now it can be silence just as often. I forget words a lot, and forget things and activities even more. I find myself going to say something and it'll be a complete blank - confusing.
And I hate that, and now I run away in embarrassment.
Scared of doors? Hrm. Haven't heard that one before.
I'm scared of the dark.
And (relating to my potty post, earlier) I don't like going into the bathroom when other people are in there. Not going *to* the bathroom, that I don't mind. But, unless I came into the bathroom with you, if I'm in the restroom, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to meet your eyes, I just want to pretend that we NEVER SAW EACH OTHER.
And not ALL doors. Closed doors. Like, to pubs, or lectures, or shops, or people's bedrooms. I'm always scared I've got it wrong. I'm in the wrong place or they're closed or they don't want me there.
Oh! No, I totally get that. I totally have that, as well. At University, if I got to a classroom and the door was closed, I'd often end up standing out in the hallway, pacing and fretting about whether or not to open the door, and trying to figure out what to do once I did, etc etc. And as a girl scout, there was nothing I hated MORE than going door-to-door and knocking on people's doors to sell cookies. They're closed for a reason. Even now, I'm afraid to knock on my flatmate's door to get her attention or ask her something, even though I know she only keeps it closed so that my kitties won't get in her kitties can't get out.
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momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2004-11-16 04:36 pm (UTC)Tell me more. *g*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-16 04:46 pm (UTC)Well, my brain has never worked in a very linear way, and as I've gotten older (ahahahahaha, yes, I realize how young I still am), it's only gotten worse and worse. And sometimes it feels like I'm not even sure what's going on up there. University kicked most of the knowlege that I had and was proud of out, and replaced it with stuff that I can't remember or care nothing about remembering, and so I don't, and instead, it feels empty. Where I used to get confused by the myriad voices in my head, shouting to drown each other out, now it can be silence just as often. I forget words a lot, and forget things and activities even more. I find myself going to say something and it'll be a complete blank - confusing.
And I hate that, and now I run away in embarrassment.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-16 04:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-16 04:50 pm (UTC)I'm scared of the dark.
And (relating to my potty post, earlier) I don't like going into the bathroom when other people are in there. Not going *to* the bathroom, that I don't mind. But, unless I came into the bathroom with you, if I'm in the restroom, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to meet your eyes, I just want to pretend that we NEVER SAW EACH OTHER.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-16 04:54 pm (UTC)And not ALL doors. Closed doors. Like, to pubs, or lectures, or shops, or people's bedrooms. I'm always scared I've got it wrong. I'm in the wrong place or they're closed or they don't want me there.
Pathetic, no? *g*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-16 05:09 pm (UTC)my kitties won't get inher kitties can't get out.