(no subject)

[nny]

This is for copinggoggles, but I'd really appreciate hearing how much of it people get. I won't put it up on lower_tadfield until I know that it's not entirely opaque.




Revolutions


"I'd rather it was you."

"Would you, indeed."

"Yup."

Aziraphale didn't turn. Somehow he sensed that would give Crawly entirely too much satisfaction.

"And what is it precisely you'd rather was me?"

"That did the right thing. You know."

"Ah. Well yes. Me too, obviously." A shadow blocked out the sun, and Aziraphale looked up. And gaped. "Heavens above, Crawly!"

Crawly sat next to him. Crawly could sit. Long dark hair curled into his eyes; yellow, the angel noted, with the abstraction of shock. He was a little clumsy, taking a few moments to get his long legs into a position that was comfortable, but he'd certainly mastered some things. Like that grin.

"I… well blow me down. It's you."

Crawly's grin widened. "Glad you think so."

The angel examined him thoughtfully. "Yes. It suits you, Crawly."

"Name doesn't, though. I was thinking, maybe, Crowley?" He looked at Aziraphale, slightly nervous, and the angel nodded decisively.

"Yes. I believe I could get used to Crowley."

And Heavens, but his smile was glorious.

*

Angels knew love.

If there was one thing angels knew, they knew love. And they knew that sometimes, love just couldn't be enough. Sometimes, humans couldn't let themselves trust.

He stood and looked at the sad thing hanging from the tree, listened to the wind and the creak of the rope.

"I didn't expect you to be here."

He didn't turn. "Someone had to be."

Crowley came and stood next to him. Aziraphale fumbled for the purse that hung at his belt and tossed it in front of the demon's feet.

Sometimes, humans couldn't let themselves trust. And they were brought to this, bought to this.

"At this moment, Crowley, I'd rather it was you. All he did wrong was believe you." The demon's jaw was tight, and he wouldn't look at him. "Don't talk to me for a while."

Crowley made no move to pick up the thirty silver pieces, as he walked away.

*

"All this."

Aziraphale picked his way across to the rock on which Crowley sat carefully, not wanting to turn his ankle in the half-dark.

"Someday, all this." Crowley was slurring his words.

"I'm sorry?" Aziraphale tutted and prised the bottle from a loose grasp. "Are we celebrating something?"

The demon shook his head decisively. "Someday, all this? 'll belong to you." He waved his hand vaguely at what they could see.

The angel looked at him quizzically. "I really don't think so, my dear. We're long past the time for such heroics."

"No no no." Crowley grabbed a handful of his sleeve and leaned close, blinking into his face. "'s what I said to him. Someday, I said, someday all this'll belong to you. My son. Alexander."

Aziraphale frowned, initially in confusion and then another emotion entirely. "…oh."

"Oh. Yep." If you tried hard enough, you might be able to mistake the tone of Crowley's voice for amusement.

"'Never in all the world was there another like him.' Am I to presume you were Arrian's 'power more than human'?"

"I'd rather it was you."

"I'm sorry?"

"Rather it was you that'd been careless enough, stupid enough… curious enough. Wish it… wish I hadn't. 'M not s'posed to feel like this." Crowley's hand was still tight on his sleeve, and it was shaking. Aziraphale placed his hand over it, and sat with him until morning.


*


Crowley threw his hands up.

"Why?"

Aziraphale shrugged, watching the demon pace, nervous but placid.

"But you could… I mean… anyone. Why me?"

Crowley's pacing finally brought him close enough, and Aziraphale reached out and caught him by the arm. The demon looked at him, wide eyed, his body trembling with something barely suppressed. The angel pulled him closer, and Crowley resisted only for a moment.

"But… I thought you and Wilde…"

He shook his head, cheeks a little pink. Crowley's cheek was hot, against the skin of his palm.

"Why me?" But he wasn't looking for an answer, clearly, since he leaned in and touched his mouth to Aziraphale's. And nothing had ever felt like it. The angel pulled away, after a moment, and smiled at him.

"I'd rather it was you."


*

At the end.

Blue eyes met yellow, a flaming sword's length apart.

"I'd rather..." The demon didn't need to finish.

Aziraphale closed his eyes, and nodded.

Comments

[sophistry]

'Nny, that was shatteringly beautiful. I can feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes.

<3333333333333333333

[edg.livejournal.com]

Oh, nice. Very nice.

(My only stumbling block: I got a very different image the first time I read "Crowley threw his hands up" than I expect you meant me to get...)

[villainny.livejournal.com]

*grins*

Duly noted. Shall fiddle with that.

I'm pleased you like, though.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

Very beautiful.

Parts I didn't get:
- Not sure I completely knew what the "rather" was about in the Alexander section, but maybe.
- Definitely didn't know what the "rather" was about in the last section.

But still beautiful and powerful. Thanks.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Okay, so the Alexander bit... Crowley's a demon. He's not supposed to care about humans, but 'skander was his son.

And the last bit, it's the final battle. And Crowley knows that they/he is gonna lose. And he'd rather it was Aziraphale, to kill him.


Can you give me any suggestions how I could phrase that better? It'd be appreciated.

[danceswchopstck.livejournal.com]

"Rather it was you that'd been careless enough, stupid enough... curious enough. Wish it... wish I hadn't. 'M not s'posed to feel like this."

So, is this careless/stupid/curious enough to
a) beget a son?
b) love a son?
c) tempt a son to ruinous ambition? (This was my earlier guess re the meaning.)

Re changing words to make it clearer: Would you be OK with just filling in a "to verb" phrase after "curious enough," or would that be too explicit for the way you want the story to be written?

Blue eyes met yellow, a flaming sword's length apart.
"I'd rather..." The demon didn't need to finish.
Aziraphale closed his eyes, and nodded.

OK, if this is about Crowley preferring that Aziraphale kill him because the loss is inevitable, I'd suggest doing something like this to the wording:

Blue eyes met yellow, a flaming sword's length apart.
"I'd rather...you. Now."
Aziraphale closed his eyes, nodded, and quietly put his weight behind the blade.

Um. I'm not completely satisfied with that wording, either, but maybe it will give you an idea of what you'd like to do with it. If anything. FYI, I'm imagining a thrusting swordstroke, rather than a slicing one, aimed no higher than Crowley's throat, and no lower than Crowley's heart. If you're seeing a different stroke, that could affect the wording. I'm trying for something where Aziraphale mostly just leans into the stroke, with a very slight increase in the extension of his arms.

One hazard of inviting comments from anyone handy is that you may get someone who has a dangerously small amount of knowledge about swords in martial arts, and no knowledge at all about actual battle usage. That would be me.

Anyway, I hope that helps!

[manynames.livejournal.com]

That was gorgeous. I really loved it.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

I love your icon. It's so pretty.

And thanks, I'm pleased you liked. :)

[minkhollow]

Wow.
That was lovely and owie and, and, just.
I think the first bit's my favorite. Don't know why, it just is.

[dramawench.livejournal.com]

That was incredibly powerful and lovely. And heart-wrenching. It took me a bit to understand what was happening, that the first part was the Beginning, but after that, excellent. I especially liked the Judas bit, that was really really strong. Very nice job!

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

I think this works well. The time line, from beginning to end, is clear. I particularly liked the bit about Alexander - it was very moving. And the bit after that was very well done, I thought - I got a real sense of them being rather tentative and somewhat out of their depth with those human emotions.

I took me a couple of reads of the end to click what was happening, but in this case, because there are some nice layers of meaning in there, I don't think that's a bad thing.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

I forgot to mention - I assumed he was talking about Alexander the Great from the mention of Arrian.

[raistmimi.livejournal.com]

Oh my Adam. This is beautiful. Ooooh, poor Aziraphale, that last bit is hurtful for him and the reader. Thanks!

There were a few things that I head to read more than once, but I don't suggest that you change anything.

[campkilkare]

I think everything is quite comprehensible with the exception of the last bit, which people ought to have to work for. In other words, ditto the last two people. *g*

[chains-of-irony.livejournal.com]

Fuck. That's good. The fourth vignette made me happy for them but then the end just got me. How can you do that, with so few words?

And to answer your question, Non-Milliways peeps might be confused by the Alexander part, but put it up anyway! People need to see this.

[stella-polaris.livejournal.com]

Strangely enough, I didn't find it angsty at all. Touching, but not angsty.

Although it may have something to do with the fact that I was listening to Simon Cowell talking while reading this. It has a cheering effect on me.

[wildmachinery.livejournal.com]

Oh, that hurt so good.

[ickieshada.livejournal.com]

Guh. That's beautiful.
Love it. Moremormeore.

[fickle-goddess.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. The Wilde mention killed me. Killed so dead.

I didn't actually get the Judas part to be honest, but the end was clear to me. And awfully, incredibly, painfully beautiful.

Nicely done indeed.

[dopplegl.livejournal.com]

It was totally perfect. I loved the Judas bit and the ending. Very powerful stuff. I think some people might be a bit confused on the Alexander part, but I think they will just except it. You should totally post this.

[carbonise.livejournal.com]

This is so beautiful and painful. It works well with the timeline. I am particularly fond of section two, because Aziraphale seems torn between disgust and fondness, and I read it as though he wasn't sure who he was disgusted with, if that makes sense.

[oneechan19.livejournal.com]

*sniffs*

That last part made tears come to my eyes.

You are such an awesome writer.

[fahye.livejournal.com]

*bawls*

Don't touch it, darling. It's gorgeous.

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

That's so beautiful, Nny. Each section was better than the one before it. <3

[museofswearing.livejournal.com]

Oh, Nny. Is this why you haven't been around much? If so, it was worth it. I understood it all (although is it a Milliways joke? I've not spent enough time there to pick up on that), although sometimes I wish the English language was capable of more distinct pronouns. :D

(the only thing I'd say? It sounds like Aziraphale had the purse on his own belt, instead of removing it from Iscariot's. Just a thought.)

Amazing. So much love.

[corporal-katz.livejournal.com]

Gorgeous.

[chrissy-sky.livejournal.com]

Ahh! More memories!

And I actually understood most of it, which is odd for me.

*admits to crying at the end* XD

[unravels.livejournal.com]

Oh. Oh man. I loved this. I really didn't have a problem working out what/where any of them were, and I think the Alexander part is explained well for any non-Milliways readers. I assumed that in the Judas scene Aziraphale was saying he'd rather that Crowley had done the right thing, since it followed on from that in the first. But when I saw that the later ones had other meanings, I wondered if I'd missed something. Is that what you meant? The last section killed me, but that's not a complaint.

Oh, I also thought that Aziraphale had the money on his own belt, which confused me a little until I re-read.

[vimeslady.livejournal.com]

*is crying too hard to comment*

[whirligigged.livejournal.com]

Um. You made my heart hurt.

I was so happy at the second-to-last, after a day full of reading A/C UST, to finally find some RST. And my vision got a little blurred, because the thought of Crowley so...in love, really, that he couldn't quite believe it, it hits me in a soft spot. I think I actually just love Crowley being thrown off balance. :)

And then that last scene and now all I want to do is curl up in a corner and die of angst. In the good way. In the way that makes me bookmark this and save it for frequent re-reading. Sigh. So much with the sobbing right now.

I love the Judas scene, because I've found GO fic of them witnessing the crucifixion, but never this. And the last scene, God, that's how it'll go. They're too utterly intertwined with each other for it to happen any other way. I mean, if they weren't going to live happily and immortally ever after, which they will, in my brain, because I've finally stopped crying now and if I let go of their happy ending then I'm going to start up again.