(no subject)

[nny]

Okay. So I just saw the Village.



Um. Hahahahahahahahaha. Woah. Hahahahahahaha. God dude. Hoooooo. Heh.

Okay, I'm calm. I'm calm.

Right. I didn't know the twist, but had worked it out from before I saw the film. So yeah, whatever with that.

Let's see. Number one- slow motion. You Are Not John Woo. Quit it.

Number two- your abuse of the English Language will not go unpunished. And William Hurt is possibly the most stilted actor I have ever seen, so stilted language plus stilted actor has made me feel all linguistically constipated. And that was a phrase I'd hoped I'd never have to use again.

Number three- gratuitous tree shots. Yes, they're in/near a wood. We know this. We do not need windswept trees to remind us.

Number four- Joaquin Phoenix can act. So how about not having him play a block of wood? Just a thought.

Number five- Okay. I'll give you Adrien Brody.

Number six- You sent the blind girl into the wood. Me and Bigger were laughing terribly. OH MAN! We said. OH MAN THE BLIND GIRL IS IN THE WOOD! I HOPE SHE DOESN'T FALL IN A HO-

...oh no. You DI'NT!

M. Night Whosis? You have no shame. I salute you.


So yeah. No.

Comments

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

One of my friends - I won't say who - recently told me she loved that film! She thought the er... plot... was really clever!

[villainny.livejournal.com]

...There was plot and I missed it?!

DAMN!

[tiltingheartand]

Out of curiosity, what is the twist? I never paid enough attention to figure it out, but now I wanna know.

[coolteamblt.livejournal.com]

That they weren't really living in the 1800's, but rather, modern day, in this little 1800's style village, with modern-day doors and a greenhouse and pretty-new eyeglasses.

[tiltingheartand]

...

Ooookay. *backs away slowly*

[coolteamblt.livejournal.com]

I know. Doesn't it burrrrrn? I read a book with this EXACT SAME plot when I was a kid. All through the movie, I sat there, and was like, 'hey, what if they're living in a hippie commune?' and then SNAP! I was so right. It made the Baby Jesus cry.

[tiltingheartand]

That's just ...

Wow.

I haven't seen a twist that bad since Secret Window (I say the movie because dammit, it was done better in the novella. *stubborn*)

[villainny.livejournal.com]

*covers ears*

LALALALALALA I HAVEN'T SEEN IT SHHHHH

[coolteamblt.livejournal.com]

I saw it coming, but I love Secret Window. It makes me happy.

'I know that in time, her death will be a mystery even to me.'

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

They were living the reality TV show from hell. With bogie men.

[alchemy]

*cries*

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Um... oops? *pats*

[rimestock.livejournal.com]

*smirks*

The Devil is good, yes yes he is.

That said...

I liked the movie. A little. For a couple things. Mainly because WH's character? SO FUCKING WRONG IN THE HEAD. (Plus linguistic constipation, which really is a lovely phrase...)