(no subject)

[nny]

I don't really believe tarot cards tap into anything, particularly. I think they provide a useful way of looking at things, and that the interpretations that you yourself place on them is what's of importance. I think they're a pretty way of tapping into the subconscious and making you think about things.

My friend gave me a reading the other day, and what seemed to be coming out of it was that I needed to take a step back and look at situations logically. And that there was something or someone that I was putting on a pedestal that didn't need or want to be there.

Which... hit pretty close to home, really.

I think... the way I interact with people I want is very much a kind of worship. That sounds really odd, so an attempt to clarify: I don't feel like they're quite on the same level as me. I see people I crush on as being higher than me, more important in some way, and I see myself as being beneath their notice.

And then I wonder why I'm constantly single.

Just recently I've been getting a huge boost in confidence, and I think it's the result of a lot of little changes that have combined into a slightly better state of being. Things're improving, a little. Nothing dramatic has happened, save that I've finished uni, but I'm feeling good about myself. And about my writing, too. I think I'm not good enough by a long shot, not yet, but I'm practising and working at it and I genuinely think I'm improving.

Sometimes it's hard to see yourself as ever improving. It's hard to imagine a time where you will be better at something, but then I look at my RPing, and I look at stories I wrote even just a year ago and I think that there is a visible difference there.

I think I'm coping better with things, right now. I have had a couple of knocks, but I can deal with them far better than I have been before.

And there's Circusboy. Who's cute, and funny, and intelligent, and makes hideous puns, and I really like him. And it's easy talking to him, even when he smiles at me and my stomach melts slightly. So I'm going to try to hang out with him more, and try to just be friendly, and see if anything develops.

There is a possibility that I'm in a stage where I could believe that he liked me, if he did. (if that makes sense).

Anyway, I hope it lasts.

No guarantees.

Getting my results in a week or so...

Comments

[indy-go.livejournal.com]

You know?

I've noticed a difference.

And it makes me smile.

Love you, babe. Have a grand day.

[campkilkare]

That's exactly the philosophy I take to Tarot, even though I do readings myself.

*[sidetrack cut and moved down under my signature.]

I'm glad you're feeling better--we haven't been to talk so much with my new situation, and we were just starting to talk a lot before, but I've noticed in your posts that things seemed to kind of suck, and I'm glad things are looking up.

--John
*[I always warn people of this and tell them that they should cut the cards, because Cups are about intuition and emotion and faith and I live in a cerebral, skeptical space that will throw the mix off-balance.

This confuses people, for some reason, but honestly I don't see the problem--to do a reading, I have to work in a creative, associative way where anything can be true. I have to believe while I'm doing it, and while I'm believing it I can see how my usual non-believing might affect it.

Also, I honestly don't get a lot of Cups in my readings.]

[-lile.livejournal.com]

I could relate to that worshipping trait, though it happens more ol than in rl. It takes work to see something in you and to try to change, but you'll always grow for it. I think anyways.

Good luck with all your relationships. :)

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Thanks, very much.

And yeah, it was an ol person, but one I then went on to meet. I don't know, though - I tend to be less selfconscious online because people can't seeeee me. XD