nny | (no subject)

I'm kind of amused.

I've never really posted any sorts of opinions of anything on my journal because I'm scared of looking stupid or not explaining myself well enough or getting yelled at. And now I am starting to (albeit couched in careful terms and not inflammatory in any way) and these are the posts on which nobody comments. What are you here for? Should I be writing more?

This is not supposed to be beratey. I'm just wondering.

My brain space is screwed currently. All of my dreams (now I have worked out a common thread) are about watching. Not participating in anything, just standing back and watching things happen. Someone getting beaten to death, someone freezing to death, someone getting verbally flayed, people deliberately infecting others with illness.

I'm not much for dream interpretation but it's kind of repeatedly smacking me in the face, here. Only I'm not sure what to take from it. Am I subconsciously berating myself for being a bystander and sitting on the fence so often? Am I worried about moving away and having less time and not being able to participate in various fandom/lj stuff any more? (Yes.)

As is, perhaps, obvious, I'm on a serious downswing at the moment. It's odd though because usually on downswings I am panicky and over emotional and it feels like the worst thing on earth. Like I can't cope and everything will be wrong forever.

This time I'm just sort of accepting things. Yes, this thing is crap, but that is the way that such things are. Shrug. Move on.

I don't want to shrug and move on. I want to deal with things. It's just so much easier not to.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm really self absorbed and bloody boring right now. However, if you've been around my journal for any length of time, you will know that I fluctuate madly and in a few days I'll be bouncing madly about the mating habits of gerbils. Or something.

And I nearly said 'journals' there. Hunh.

Which journal would you slash my journal with, huh? I wonder how my journal is in bed?

I suspect it talks too much.