nny | (no subject)

I am in a Really Sucky Mood.

My financial and educational situations are fucked. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I have to babysit on saturday night, which cuts way down on RP time. I shouldn't be RPing ANYWAY because I have SO MUCH TO DO. I'm going to be 22 in a week, and I hate that because it's a PROPER age. I mean, up to 21 you can be an immature twat without people commenting. 22 is an official ADULT age. And I don't want it to be my birthday because I know, as a day, it's going to suck, and I haven't the time to organise anything, and I don't WANT to organise anything because it would be a disappointment in any case. And my room's a mess and it's distracting me but I can't tidy it because I KNOW it's a procrastination technique and I haven't the time to procrastinate but hell what the fuck else is this? And I nearly killed myself with asthma last night but have I gone to the doctor to get an inhaler? No. That would involve registering at a doctor. Am I an idiot? Yes. I'm self destructive. I make my life hard for myself. I know this. I just... I hate myself. I must. I'm not as hard on anyone else in the entire universe as I am on myself.

I'm full of random rage and I want to hit things or fling this keyboard across the room or slam my head into the desk or ANYTHING but I won't.

And I'm whining, I know. Fuck it. My journal.

Today everything sucks. I'll be okay later.