I CHALLENGE YOU!!!

[nny]

I'm having a ridiculous amount of fun with these drabbles. Seriously, ridiculous. It's a Nny/Drabble pairing, and it ain't pretty. Many pairings aren't. Which, along with copperbadge, got me thinking...

I'm pretty proud of the drabbles I've done. I have successfully drabbled Nobby/Filch, Umbridge/Filch, and Death of Rats/Mrs Norris. So... what would it take to break me?

I CHALLENGE YOU to provide your most squicky pairing. *Only* one each, because I only have ten fingers (please, don't be pedantic), and only four of them type. Should I finish your drabble, *then* you can post another one.

*If* I cannot drabble your pairing, *if* you manage to confound my tinylittle mind, I will write you a short PWP of your favourite pairing. As a reward for being the Sickest Puppy in the Pound.(tm)

Thing is, this is only gonna be fun if everyone joins in. Please, give me a pairing! Tell yout friends! Pimp me shamelessly!

A couple of Rules, to ensure my sanity remains intact:

1) Only one pairing at a time from each person. I finish your pairing, you're welcome to add another.

2) NO INCEST! I'm sorry, but that's final. I do *not* do incest.

3) It has to be a fandom I've heard of. This means Harry Potter, Discworld, the less obscure LotR characters, X-Files, Neverwhere...

4) No Skinner from the X-Files. Just... no.

5) Should I answer the challenge badly or incompletely, you can request a better/more satisfying drabble, but only if you have the weight of public opinion behind you.

6) No multiple pairings. Well... maybe threesomes in a special case... but please remember I only have 100 words. =)

Any questions about rules, let me know.

COME AND SQUICK ME!

EDIT:

We now have an award! Thanks to the unbelievable slytherin_dream, who is one of the best people I've ever known, if I cannot answer your challenge you get a beautiful award that can be put up on your LiveJournal, website, whatever. Added incentive!

Comments

[slytherin-dream.livejournal.com]

Woo! I get to comment first ^_^

Okay. Firstly, I don't know if you'll consider this to be incestuous or not but...

Kreacher/one (or all) of the dead House Elf heads on poles found in 12 Gimmuald Place. And I want actual action here, not just worshiping..

Considering that the heads belong to Kreacher's forbears, I can offer you another one if this breaks rules.

Let the squickiness commence!

Kreacher/House Elf head

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Kreacher elf-handled his great-grandfather Bokken's head off the wall; his expression of tight-mouthed disapproval was a particular favourite. He propped it against the wall and opened his pot of lotion, easing the mouth open slightly so he could slip long, lotion-coated fingers inside and lubricate the tight channel.

The werewolf entered the hallway and glanced in his direction.

"What are you doing, Kreacher?"

"Not it's business what Kreacher does. Doesn't belong here, filthy half-breed, what would Mistress say?"

He pretended to notice the werewolf for the first time.

"Kreacher must... polish it, sir."

****************************************************

A/N: Thanks to tboy for the last line. =)

There you go asking me for weird again

[ygrane.livejournal.com]

Foul Ol' Ron/Coffin Henry, phlegm as lube.

Would you like any challenge words/phrases to go with that?

Cheers!

Coffin Henry/Foul Ol' Ron

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Coffin Henry cleared his throat.

"You sure about this, Ron?" He was standing nearer closer to Ron than anyone had stood in a very long time- eventually, your olfactory powers shut down.

"Millenium hand and shrimp!"

He frowned. He supposed he would have to take that as a yes- Gaspode, Ron's thinking-brain dog, had left in disgust some time before. Then again, the position Ron had folded himself into didn't leave much room for doubt.

Henry squinted, and took careful aim.

"Hawk,hawk... ptui!"

There were quiet, slick little sounds.

One finger.

Two fingers.

"Buggrit!"

"Alright Ron, I'm buggering, I'm buggering..."

*****************************************************

A/N: *shudders*. Eeeew. =)

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Firenze/Buckbeak.

Firenze/Buckbeak

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Buckbeak had liked the Dog-man, but he never visited the new place. The Hippogriff was restless here, and homesick; the smell of the Forest, his home, tortured him with its inaccessability.

His hooves clattered emptily on stone floors.

Then the Horse-man came, bowing to Buckbeak, which the Hippogriff had believed his kind too proud to do. He brought treats, and spoke in a gentle voice, telling stories that weren't understood. He seemed sad, those times, softly stroking Buckbeaks' flank.

He smelled like the forest. Smelled like home.

Buckbeak had never known Lonely before the Horse-man went away.

*******************************************************

A/N: Well... Not my best. But you try it. =)

[femmequixotic]

How about Percy/Scabbers?

*mischeivous grin*

[setissma.livejournal.com]

I loff your icon. I loff it more than I should, at any given point in times. I worship it. Truly.

[fruufoo.livejournal.com]

Okay, I find this incredibly squicky, but maybe that's just me.

This isn't so much a pairing as an orgy...

Kreacher, Cho, Foul Ol' Ron and Aunt Petunia mixing cocktails (not the normal kind) and playing find-the-smartie.

Wow

[ygrane.livejournal.com]

People seem to hate Cho an extraordinary amount now.

[sparrohawk.livejournal.com]

Dumbledore/Crookshanks

Dumbledore/Crookshanks

[villainny.livejournal.com]

"It doesn't mean anything."

A stony silence.

"You know that I wasn't thinking about her. We've been through this. I chose you."

A glare.

Dumbledore sighs, and leans back in his chair... then hurriedly jerked forward again. He had forgotten, for a moment, the claw marks that spot the back of his robes with blood. He winces, and shifts uncomfortably. His back isn't the only place decorated with claw marks, either.

Crookshanks hisses at the Headmaster, turns on his tail and stalks out of the room. Dumbledore's calls follow him out.

"I never meant to say Minerva!"

[wishwords.livejournal.com]

Hagrid/Animagus!Wormtail

Wow, that's truly disgusting...

[akujunkan.livejournal.com]

Wish I'd thought of it first!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Firenze/random Thestral. The catch? Firenze has never seen anyone die...

Sorry. Bad day and I'm taking it out on you, here.

Firenze/ Random Thestral

[villainny.livejournal.com]

He was far enough inside for the lights of the school to fade behind him; not far enough, but to go further in would be to risk death at the hands of his former comrades.

He spun around suddenly, tail flicking anxiously, as something unseen brushed against his flank. They would not come out this far… they could not have found him?

Something nuzzled softly against his side. The warm pressure reminded him of Bane. Reminded him what he’d lost. He leaned into the invisible presence and looked up at the stars. From something unknown and invisible, he took comfort.

[setissma.livejournal.com]

Hagrid. And Dobby.

Hagrid/Dobby

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Harry gaped, absolutely dumbstruck by the news. Hagrid busied himself pouring the tea, the small amount of face visible between his hair and beard flushed a brilliant red. He placed a cup in front of Harry and sat opposite, fiddling nervously with his beard.

"Yer alrigh' with it, Harry?"

Harry nodded uncertainly.

"Just... Hagrid, how does everything... *fit*?"

"Well I won' say we haven' had problems." He shifted uncomfortably. "There's a size difference. But... 's'long as he uses plenty of lube I'm not too tight fer 'im." He winked conspiritorially at Harry.

"Y'know them rumours about House Elves? All true."

[gaiamyles.livejournal.com]

Buggy Swires and Detritus.

Detritus/Buggy Swires

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Constable Swires sat on Detritus’ shoulder, polishing his own helmet with a piece of cloth.

“So I wus thinkin’ of going for a climb, tonight.”

The troll froze. The gnome continued to speak, quietly, out of the corner of his mouth.

“Figured it was abou’ time I did a bit of pot holing. Keep my hand in, sorta thing.” He climbed carefully down the troll to the floor, and settled his helmet back on his head.

“Only, this time I’m wearin’ a rope. I’m not stayin’ up there ‘til you take a dump, yeh daft bugger.” He sauntered out, whistling.

******************************************************

A/N: *cracks up*

[goseaward.livejournal.com]

Dobby/Lucius. And Lucius should be bottom & begging for it. And you have to make me believe this could really happen. *eg*

Dobby/Lucius Malfoy

[villainny.livejournal.com]

“Mr Malfoy,” Dobby said, buckling the leather cuffs, “should not have tried to harm Harry Potter.”

Lucius groaned softly.

“Dobby must punish Mr Malfoy.” A snap of the House Elf’s fingers, and the chains snapped taut, pulling Lucius abruptly to his feet, pinning him harshly against the wall. Lucius licked his lips, leaving them glistening in the dungeon torchlight.

“Mr Malfoy must learn to do only as Dobby tells him.” A leather whip ran softly between long, spindly fingers. The House Elf cracked the whip to one side. Lucius whimpered.

“Does Mr Malfoy understand Dobby?” He smiled.

“God, yes. Please…”

[chasehunts.livejournal.com]

I didn't notice a mention against, ah, things, so:

Quirrell/The Lizard in His Hands - when Minerva asks to see Wood in the movie.

Quirrel/Lizard

[villainny.livejournal.com]

With McGonagall and Wood's departure, the giggles started up again. Quirrel flushed miserably as he tried desperately to ignore the whispered comments from the fifth years- soft horrified squeals and barely sotto voce remarks.

"The f-full body b-bind can be used on a large v-variety of creatures, though the wizard w-will need more p-power for larger c-creatures." As always happened when he was nervous, his stutter was getting worse.

"If y-you could get into p-pairs, y-you can all t-take turns w-with the p-petrificus t-tot-talis hex."

The lizard continued to hump Quirrel's arm, blissfully unaware of the embarassment it caused.

*******************************************************

A/N: I like Quirrel. =)

[bridgetmc.livejournal.com]

Bloody Baron/Neville Longbottom.

Neville/Bloody Baron

[villainny.livejournal.com]

It happened first when the Baron had been evicting Peeves from under Harry’s bed, and Neville had been far too embarassed to accompany the others to breakfast. It wasn’t something that either of them had experienced before, but it worked so well…

Two weeks later, it happened again. And again, a week after that. Peeves’ attacks on the Gryffindor boys happened with increasing frequency, and some began to feel as if the Poltergeist were acting on someone’s orders.

Neville didn’t complain. A freezing ghostly hand job was far more effective than a cold shower at getting rid of morning erections.

[tboy.livejournal.com]

Please Nny - may I have Mundungus Fletcher/Remus Lupin? *eg*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I wasn't squicked until this point.

Ewwww!

[amchau.livejournal.com]

Easiest way to the sickest pairings? Crossovers.

I've dabbled in Gollum/Dobby my own self, so how about... Rincewind/Draco?

Rincewind/Draco

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Rincewind saw Draco tense as he heard footfalls behind him, and the boy swung around nervously. The new DADA professor smiled at his student.

“It’s chasing Hufflepuffs in the grounds at the moment. I’m sorry, it seems to have taken a liking to you.” He didn’t add that he could see why. He found himself having trouble concentrating in his lessons as light from the tall windows glinted on white-blond hair.

“I’m not scared of it!” the Slytherin stated defensively.

“You’re not?” he shuddered slightly. “It terrifies me.” Draco frowned curiously at him. “What?”

“People aren’t usually honest with me.”

[immora.livejournal.com]

This is because you demanded it, damnit.

GrossBabyThing!Voldemort/TeenagerWithAcne!Mandrake

Sluglike baby Voldemort/ Teenage acne Mandrake.

[villainny.livejournal.com]

There were slight movements on the surface of the soil as the teenage mandrake sat underneath, moodily squeezing its spots. There was noise above it, and light filtered down to it, turning its world a slightly paler brown.

Something grabbed its leaves and tugged, and the mandrake opened its mouth, preparing to squeal- but as its head broke the surface it froze, its cry unvoiced. It was confronted with the most beautiful thing it had ever seen.

It watched, astonished, as the tiny form moved slightly and opened malevolent, slit-pupilled red eyes.

“Well, Wormtail?”

The mandrake’s head was chopped off.

[slytherin-dream.livejournal.com]

Well, you coped very well with Kreacher/dead heads. Let us try something a little different...

*snerks*

How about some lovely, dignified Havelock Vetinari and his smelly dog Wuffles?

Make that Wuffles/Vetinari. Dog on top - no leg humping either! ;)

[plottwist13.livejournal.com]

Brilliantly squicky! I laughed and went "Bleargh!" at the same time. I think you need to do this, Nny. ;)

[vikingcarrot.livejournal.com]

Roighto. Giving it a go here...

Let me see.

Red-Fetus!Voldemort/Floating-Brain-from-Department-of-Mysteries.

Foetus Voldemort/ Floating Brain

[villainny.livejournal.com]

The brain floated in the vat, dreaming dreams that wizards believed it no longer had the capacity for. They observed that there was activity, but they refused to believe that someone the Dementors had kissed could still think or feel.

It dreamed of the last time it had seen its master. Carried in the arms of a lesser servant, diminished, dependant but still powerful, familiar red eyes in an unfamiliar face. It dreamed of older times, when it had served him, pleased him, worshipped him.

Something intruded on its dream.

“Accio brain!”

It attacked.

Barty Crouch served Voldemort once more.

[swiftpaws.livejournal.com]

Not so squicky because I rather like it, but if you're doing drabbles, why not do one for me? Snape/Dumbledore.

Snape/ Dumbledore

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Had Harry stayed a little longer in the Penseive, he would have seen why Dumbledore trusted Snape so implicitly. He would have seen a barely adult Snape retching dryly, on his knees in the Headmaster’s office, tears streaming down his face. Would have seen Dumbledore tenderly wiping the tears away, brushing lank hair from the pale face. Would have seen how Snape leaned into the contact and looked at the older man with eyes full of mute pleading, how Dumbledore had leaned forward…

But he never learned that Snape was human.

He never understood why Dumbledore wept at his death.

[npetrenko.livejournal.com]

Snape/Padfoot

Snape/ Padfoot

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Snape was white, and his legs would barely hold him up as Potter dragged him out of the tunnel. As soon as they were out of range of branches he collapsed to his knees and wrapped his arms around himself as he vomited, shuddering and crying.

James was shaking almost as much as him, but he staggered off toward the castle.

“You stay with him, Sirius. I’ll get Dumbledore.”

Snape hated Sirius, but was strangely comforted when the dog bounded up and licked his face and hands.

“I hate you,” he sobbed, curling his fingers into the dog’s black fur.

Here be a weird one!!!

[anathdemalfoy.livejournal.com]

Golgomath/Crookshanks!!!

Top that! *squees*

Love & Serpents' Kisses,
Anath.

Crookshanks/Golgomath

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Crookshanks had always been an extraordinary cat. So when he disappeared, Ron convinced Hermione to remain hopeful, said that he’d be able to take care of himself. As the month drew to a close, though, even Ron was beginning to despair.

It was something of a surprise, then, when Crookshanks sauntered back into the castle, carrying a message from the Gurg of the giants, Golgomath.

He pledged alleigance to Dumbledore, and vowed that the giants would fight against Voldemort when the time came.

No one knew how Crookshanks had done it, though Hermione noticed he bathed himself far more frequently…

[vileseagulls.livejournal.com]

Pig/Padfoot/Kreacher.

Pig/Padfoot/Kreacher

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Padfoot watched as long fingers stroked and teased, as a familiar voice crooned. Paired with the surroundings, the house he had left behind, he felt at once comforted and suffocated, lost in memories.

He watched the small owl's eyes close as the burr was carefully teased from the feathersm abd the Elf sang a song in a language that wasn't human.

He barked, scaring Pig enough to leave a scratch across Kreacher's arm as he flew away, and Padfoot felt a vicious satisfaction.

There was a time his fur had received such attention, but he told himself he wasn't jealous.

[(Anonymous)]

OK ok how about

minerva mcgonnagle/remus lupin in animal form?

McGonagall/Wolf Lupin

[villainny.livejournal.com]

One night, in their seventh year, they lost him. Only for a couple of hours, closer to a sleeping Hogwarts than Hogsmeade, so they told themselves that the danger was virtually non-existent. Yet they didn't tell him, didn't want to worry him, but left an ear open for any news that was out of the ordinairy.

The only strange thing was that Professor McGonagall didn't arrive at breakfast, though she was at their Transfiguration lesson later that day, flushed pink and looking younger than she had as long as she'd been teaching them.

She wouldn't catch Remus' eye, either.

[mctabby.livejournal.com]

Oh, how about a little Poltersmut? Want Peeves/Mrs Norris. Mmwaaah.

Peeves/Mrs Norris

[villainny.livejournal.com]

He found the kitten, mewling pathetically, just inside the front doors. She was soaked to the skin and freezing, with barely enough meat to cover her bones.

He blew on her gently, but that just made her shiver all the harder, so he hurried to the kitchens, terrifying the House Elves until they provided him with a towel.

When he returned, she wasn't alone- she was tucked into the neck of the caretaker's jacket, safe and warm.

He flung the towel down in a temper.

As the passed, she turned her head and almost licked him.

He almost felt it.

[annchen.livejournal.com]

Nanny Ogg/Dead!James Potter. And spanking.

[vikytickytembo.livejournal.com]

You've just killed me. Seriously. XD